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In Britain, when someone gets old they often go to live in a home with other old people where there are nurses to look after them. Sometimes the government has to pay for this care. v.38

In Britain, when someone gets old they often go to live in a home with other old people where there are nurses to look after them. Sometimes the government has to pay for this care. v. 38
As a part of the population in a country grows older, the issue of who should take care of the old population has been up for debate. Some believe that the family should take care of the old people while others believe that the government should take responsibility for their old citizens. I believe that the government and the family both have equal responsibility towards the aged population and instead of looking at the moral issues; we need to focus on what is better for them. There are many families who are willing but are unable to look after their old parents and relatives due to certain factors such as poor financial situation. On the other hand, we have some families who capable but are just unwilling to look after their old ones due to various reason such as ideological differences etc. In both of those cases, I think it's better for the government to take the responsibility and look after the aged family members since the whole issue is how can we make sure those individuals live their remaining life comfortably. Forcing the families that just can't or aren't willing to look after their old members will only make the situation worse for the people we're trying to help. On the other hand, we have lots of families which are both capable and are more than happy to look after their loved ones once they grow older. Well in those cases, the solution is quite clear and there seems to be no reason for the government to interfere. All in all, I think that the issue of who should look after the old population depends on those factors listed above and our policy must act in the interest of the old population so that they can enjoy their rest of the remaining years of their life.
As a part of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
population
in a country grows older, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
issue
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
should take care of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
old
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
population
has been up for debate.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
believe that the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
should take care of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
old
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
while others believe that the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
should take responsibility for their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
old
citizens. I believe that the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
and the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
both have equal responsibility towards the aged
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
population
and
instead
of looking at the moral
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
issues
; we need to focus on what is better for them.

There are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
families
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
are willing
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
are unable to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
look
after their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
old
parents and relatives due to certain factors such as poor financial situation.
On the other hand
, we have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
families
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
capable
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
unwilling to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
look
after their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
old
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
ones
due to various reason such as ideological differences etc. In both of those cases, I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
it's better for the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
to take the responsibility and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
look
after the aged
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
members since the whole
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
issue
is how can we
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
sure those individuals
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
their remaining life
comfortably
. Forcing the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
families
that
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
can't or aren't willing to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
look
after their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
old
members will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
the situation worse for the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
we're trying to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
.

On the other hand
, we have lots of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
families
which are both capable and are more than happy to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
look
after their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
loved
Did you mean "one's"?
ones
once they grow older. Well in those cases, the solution is quite
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
clear
and there seems to be no reason for the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
to interfere.

All in all, I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
issue
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
should
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
look
after the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
old
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
population
depends on those factors listed above and our policy
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
act in the interest of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
old
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
population
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
that they can enjoy their rest of the remaining years of their life.
3Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
40Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
1Mistakes
Change your language and you change your thoughts.
Karl Albrecht

IELTS essay In Britain, when someone gets old they often go to live in a home with other old people where there are nurses to look after them. Sometimes the government has to pay for this care. v. 38

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
307 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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