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In Britain, when someone gets old they often go to live in a home with other old people where there are nurses to look after them. Sometimes the government has to pay for this care. Who do you think should pay for this care, the government or the family? v.37

In Britain, when someone gets old they often go to live in a home with other old people where there are nurses to look after them. Sometimes the government has to pay for this care. Who do you think should pay for this care, the government or the family? v. 37
These days when people get old, they go to old age homes and stay with other inmates. Some people think that it is the responsibility of the government to take care of these expenses. Whereas others think that the family should bear the cost. I completely agree that it is the responsibility of the relatives to pay for the expenses of their old people. Firstly, it is not good for the finances of a country to cover the expenses of all older people in the retirement homes. People who grow old without much savings put enormous strain on a country's economy. For instance, if the government spends too much on these expenses, it would not able to allocate adequate money for essential areas like education and health care. Moreover, not budgeting for basic needs will cause detrimental effects on society and the well being of its citizens. Secondly, it should be the duty of the immediate family members to care for their loved ones. As responsible parents, people spend their money and energy to raise their children with lots of love and affection. Their children should reciprocate their affection by tending their parents when they grow old. This is a norm in many cultures. For example, in Japanese society, though the population of old age people is huge and they are still taking care of by their children. To conclude, the onus is on the children taking care of their respective parents when they get old. It is their moral obligation. The government, on the other hand, might consider subsidizing the cost, to ease the burden of the children, but seldom bear the full expenses.
These days when
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
old
, they go to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
old
age homes and stay with other inmates.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that it is the responsibility of the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
to take
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
care
of these expenses.
“Whereas” at the beginning of a sentence usually requires a 2nd clause. Maybe a comma, question or exclamation mark is missing, or the sentence is incomplete and should be joined with the following sentence.
Whereas
others
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that the family should bear the cost. I completely
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
that it is the responsibility of the relatives to pay for the expenses of their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
old
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
.

Firstly
, it is not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
for the finances of a country to cover the expenses of all older
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
in the retirement homes.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
People
who grow
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
old
without
Use "many" with countable nouns.
much
savings put enormous strain on a country's economy.
For instance
, if the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
spends too much on these expenses, it would not able to allocate adequate money for essential areas like education and health
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
care
.
Moreover
, not budgeting for basic needs will cause detrimental effects on society and the
This word is normally spelled with hyphen.
well being
of its citizens.

Secondly
, it should be the duty of the immediate family members to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
care
for their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
loved
ones. As responsible parents,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
spend their money and energy to raise their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
with lots of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
love
and affection. Their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
should reciprocate their affection by tending their parents when they grow
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
old
. This is a norm in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
cultures.
For example
, in Japanese society, though the population of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
old
age
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
If 'people' is plural here, don't use the third-person singular verb.
is
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
huge and
they are
still
taking
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
care
of by their children.

To conclude
, the onus is on the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
taking
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
care
of their respective parents when they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
old
. It is their moral obligation. The
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
,
on the other hand
, might consider subsidizing the cost, to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
ease
the burden of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
seldom bear the full expenses.
8.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
8.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
8.5Mistakes

IELTS essay In Britain, when someone gets old they often go to live in a home with other old people where there are nurses to look after them. Sometimes the government has to pay for this care. Who do you think should pay for this care, the government or the family? v. 37

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
275 words
8.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 8.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 8.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 8.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 8.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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