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With a fast pace of modern life more and more people are turning towards fast food for their main meals. Do you think the advantages outweigh the disadvantages? v.3

With a fast pace of modern life more and more people are turning towards fast food for their main meals. Do you think the advantages outweigh the disadvantages? v. 3
Replacing daily meals with fast foods is becoming a norm in the modern world. People in the modern society are no longer cooking due to their busy schedules. In my opinion, this trend has more demerits than merits. To begin with, fast foods are made up of a high proportion of unhealthy ingredients such as unsaturated fats, oil and sugar. Frequent intake of these will cause obesity and health problems, including diabetes and high cholesterol levels. In additional to that, fast foods have very low nutritional value and do not fulfil the requirements of a balanced diet. Hence, constant intake of fast foods may cause nutritional deficiency in the long term. This is especially harmful to children and teenagers whose bodies are still developing. Besides that, replacing proper meals with fast foods may also affect family bonding over dinner. Packaged fast foods are almost never eaten together sitting around a table. Rather youngsters and children alike consume them mindlessly sitting in front of the television or computer. The overuse of fast foods also eliminates any opportunity to cook together and talk. This lack of communication within the household affects family ties. Children may suspect that they are not close enough to their parents and stop sharing the issues they face at school. This may eventually cause behavioural problems in them. To conclude, I feel that the invention of fast foods is bringing more harms than good to the modern society. In my opinion, health and family bonding time are precious things and they should be the priorities of our lives at all times.
Replacing daily meals with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
fast
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
foods
is becoming a norm in the modern world.
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
People
in the modern society are no longer cooking due to their busy schedules. In my opinion, this trend has more demerits than merits.

To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
with,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
fast
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
foods
are made
up of a high proportion of unhealthy ingredients such as unsaturated fats, oil and sugar. Frequent intake of these will cause obesity and health problems, including diabetes and high cholesterol levels. In additional to that,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
fast
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
foods
have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
low nutritional value and do not fulfil the requirements of a balanced diet.
Hence
, constant intake of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
fast
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
foods
may cause nutritional deficiency in the long term. This is
especially
harmful to children and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
teenagers
whose bodies are
still
developing.

Besides
that, replacing proper meals with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
fast
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
foods
may
also
affect family bonding over dinner. Packaged
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
fast
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
foods
are almost never eaten together sitting around a table.
Rather
youngsters and children alike consume them
mindlessly
sitting in front of the television or computer. The overuse of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
fast
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
foods
also
eliminates any opportunity to cook together and talk. This lack of communication within the household
Apostrophe might be missing. Did you mean "affects'" or "affect's"?
affects
family ties. Children may suspect that they are not close
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
enough
to their parents and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stop
sharing the issues they face at school. This may
eventually
cause
Possible spelling mistake. 'behavioural' is British English.
behavioural
problems in them.

To conclude
, I feel that the invention of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
fast
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
foods
is bringing more harms than
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
to the modern society. In my opinion, health and family bonding time are precious
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
things and
they should be the priorities of our
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
at all times.
8.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
8.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
8.5Mistakes
You can never understand one language until you understand at least two.
Geoffrey Willans

IELTS essay With a fast pace of modern life more and more people are turning towards fast food for their main meals. Do you think the advantages outweigh the disadvantages? v. 3

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
263 words
8.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 8.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 8.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 8.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 8.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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