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In Britain, when someone gets old they often go to live in a home with other old people where there are nurses to look after them. Sometimes the government has to pay for this care. Who do you think should pay for this care, the government or the family? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience. v.30

In Britain, when someone gets old they often go to live in a home with other old people where there are nurses to look after them. Sometimes the government has to pay for this care. Who do you think should pay for this care, the government or the family? v. 30
The energy level in a human body diminishes in tandem with age, while the most productive age group is 30-60, after 60 years one gets retired, therefore a person becomes dependent for his livelihood on the other. In countries such as Britain, the aged population prefers to stay at a commonplace with the same age group and spend the rest of their life there. The living expense of such type of arrangements is taken care of by the family or by the public authorities, thereby increasing the burden on them. The essay will outline the merits and demerits of both of these aspects. Firstly, if the government bears this the cost they had to rely on the income tax accumulated from the nation's economy, so the tax rates should have a buffer to accommodate this. In other words, everyone who is earning, salary has to pay this amount, therefore it becomes mandatory for the whole working class irrespective of your ancestors are enjoying this facility or not. The finance ministry, for instance, reported that they increased the income tax rate by 3% in 2019 to bolster the living expense of an old age home. Moreover, since parents prefer to stay away from their younger ones, so the upcoming generation is no more affectionate about their grandparents, consequently, the blood relations are becoming weaker, which is not a sign of a good upbringing. On the other hand, if a family is asked to bear the expenditure of an old age home, it is more justified, because the one who is availing the facility should pay for it, thereby reducing the financial burden on the nation, which means that once the burden on families will increase then, this type of migration will have a declining trend. For example, the grandparents of my niece live with them, because they cannot afford the fees of an old age home. Furthermore, this will reduce the trend of such migrations, as a result, the adolescent will be under the watchful and caring eyes of their grandparents, instead of being handled by professional caretakers. To conclude, the old age people are our ancestors and they have an abundance of experience to guide us in the race of life. Their living expense in the old age home should be supported by their own family and not by the entire nation's economy.
The energy level in a human body diminishes in tandem with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
age
, while the most productive
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
age
group is 30-60, after 60 years one
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
gets
retired,
therefore
a person becomes dependent for his livelihood on the other. In countries such as Britain, the aged population prefers to stay at a commonplace with the same
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
age
group and spend the rest of their life there. The living expense of such type of arrangements
is taken
care of by the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
or by the public authorities, thereby increasing the burden on them. The essay will outline the merits and demerits of both of these aspects.

Firstly
, if the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
bears this the cost they had to rely on the income tax accumulated from the nation's economy,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
the tax rates should have a buffer to accommodate this.
In other words
, everyone who is earning, salary
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
has to
pay this amount,
therefore
it becomes mandatory for the whole working
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
class
irrespective of your ancestors are enjoying this facility or not. The finance ministry,
for instance
, reported that they increased the income tax rate by 3% in 2019 to bolster the living expense of an
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
old
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
age
home.
Moreover
, since parents prefer to stay away from their younger ones,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
the upcoming generation is no more affectionate about their grandparents,
consequently
, the blood relations are becoming weaker, which is not a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
sign
of a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
upbringing.

On the other hand
, if a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
is asked
to bear the expenditure of an
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
old
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
age
home, it is more justified,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
the one who is availing the facility should pay for it, thereby reducing the financial burden on the nation, which means that once the burden on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
families
will increase then, this type of migration will have a declining trend.
For example
, the grandparents of my niece
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
with them,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
they cannot afford the fees of an
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
old
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
age
home.
Furthermore
, this will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduce
the trend of such migrations,
as a result
, the adolescent will be under the watchful and caring eyes of their grandparents,
instead
of
being handled
by professional caretakers.

To conclude
, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
old
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
age
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
are our
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
ancestors and
they have an abundance of experience to guide us in the race of life. Their living expense in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
old
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
age
home should
be supported
by their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
and not by the entire nation's economy.
7.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7.5Mistakes

IELTS essay In Britain, when someone gets old they often go to live in a home with other old people where there are nurses to look after them. Sometimes the government has to pay for this care. Who do you think should pay for this care, the government or the family? v. 30

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
393 words
7.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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