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Some people believe that children under age 10 should be given their own interest subject, while others believe that should be given regular subjects. Discuss both of these views and give your own opinion. v.1

Some people believe that children under age 10 should be given their own interest subject, while others believe that should be given regular subjects. v. 1
People’s opinions differ as to what subjects children under age 10 should learn. While it seems reasonable to allow young students to study what interests them, I believe that it is essential to offer primary students regular subjects. Advocates of tailoring school curriculum to students’ interests argue that it is an efficient way to achieve youngsters’ potential. Interests can motivate learners to gain a deeper understanding of certain subjects and become successful in relevant areas. For example, Albert Einstein, the eminent scientist, had been keen on physics since childhood and he ignored all other subjects to focus on studying the concepts and theories of this subject. This helped him build a strong career as well as serve the humanity with his theory of relativity. However, I would agree with those who believe that regular subjects should be given to children under 10. Firstly, compulsory courses play an important role in developing young students’ basic life skills. If children were allowed to avoid core subjects like mathematics and language, they would end up failing to read, write and calculate, meaning that they can hardly pursue their studies or find a job in modern society. Secondly, exposure to a variety of subjects enables young students to make a wise decision about their careers. Primary students’ interests may constantly change because of their immaturity. Learning different courses not only broadens youngsters’ horizon, but also offers them the opportunity to alter their choices in the professions. In conclusion, although focusing on interested subjects can help children to fulfil their potential, my own view is that learning regular subjects are crucial in preparing young people for the future.
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
People
’s opinions differ as to what
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
subjects
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
under age 10 should learn. While it seems reasonable to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
allow
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
to study what
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
interests
them, I believe that it is essential to offer primary
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
regular subjects.

Advocates of tailoring school curriculum to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students’
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
interests
argue that it is an efficient way to achieve youngsters’ potential.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Interests
can motivate learners to gain a deeper understanding of certain
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
subjects
and become successful in relevant areas.
For example
, Albert Einstein, the eminent scientist, had been keen on physics since
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
childhood and
he
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
ignored
all other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
subjects
to focus on studying the concepts and theories of this
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
subject
. This
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helped
him build a strong career
as well
as serve the humanity with his theory of relativity.

However
, I would
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
with those who believe that regular
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
subjects
should be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
under 10.
Firstly
, compulsory courses play an
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
role in developing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students’
basic life
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
. If
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children
were
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
allowed
to avoid core
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
subjects
like mathematics and language, they would
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
end
up failing to read, write and calculate, meaning that they can hardly pursue their studies or find a job in modern society.
Secondly
, exposure to a variety of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
subjects
enables
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
a wise decision about their careers. Primary
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students’
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
interests
may
constantly
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
change
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of their immaturity. Learning
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
courses not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
broadens youngsters’ horizon,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
offers them the opportunity to alter their choices in the professions.

In conclusion
, although focusing on interested
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
subjects
can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
to fulfil their potential, my
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
view is that learning regular
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
subjects
are crucial in preparing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
for the future.
7.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7.5Mistakes

IELTS essay Some people believe that children under age 10 should be given their own interest subject, while others believe that should be given regular subjects. v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
269 words
7.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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