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Buying things on the Internet, such as books, air tickets and groceries, is becoming more and more popular. Do the advantages of shopping in this way outweigh the disadvantages? v.3

Buying things on the Internet, such as books, air tickets and groceries, is becoming more and more popular. Do the advantages of shopping in this way outweigh the disadvantages? v. 3
It is true that online shopping has become more and more popular these years because of the advancement of technology. While it might have some negative impact on both the individuals and society as a whole, I believe that the benefits of shopping on the Internet far outweigh its drawbacks. On the one hand, shopping on the Internet can be highly addictive. People may easily develop a habit of shopping when they have leisure time because buying things in online stores is simple and easy, and it can be done anytime and everywhere. For example, a person can now open web pages through a smartphone, and buy various products which they need in just few seconds while commuting from workplace to home. As a result, people tend to shop on impulse in this way of shopping. On the other hand, I would argue that these drawbacks are outweighed by the benefits. There are two major benefits of online shopping. Firstly, compared to traditional shopping, online shopping is cheaper, more time-saving. Many online stores offer a variety of products, and prices are usually lower than brick and mortar stores. Therefore, people can buy various products with better prices on the same web page, without buying them from different stores in person. Also, online shopping creates an opportunity for people to buy products from other countries. For example, a student living in Taiwan can order textbooks from the US. The process of multinational online shopping can simply be done by cellphones, tablets and computers. In conclusion, while online shopping can be addictive, I believe that this way of shopping brings more benefits than drawbacks.
It is true that
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online
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shopping
has become more and more popular these years
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of the advancement of technology. While it might have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
impact on both the individuals and society as a whole, I believe that the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
benefits
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shopping
on the Internet far outweigh its drawbacks.

On the one hand,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shopping
on the Internet can be
highly
addictive.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
People
may
easily
develop a habit of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shopping
when they have leisure time
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
buying things in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
online
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
stores
is simple and easy, and it can
be done
anytime and everywhere.
For example
, a person can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
now
open web pages through a smartphone, and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
buy
various
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
products
which they need in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
few seconds while commuting from workplace to home.
As a result
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
tend to shop on impulse in this way of shopping.

On the other hand
, I would argue that these drawbacks
are outweighed
by the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
benefits
. There are two major
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
benefits
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
online
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shopping
.
Firstly
, compared to traditional
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shopping
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
online
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shopping
is cheaper, more time-saving.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
online
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
stores
offer a variety of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
products
, and prices are
usually
lower than brick and mortar
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
stores
.
Therefore
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
buy
various
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
products
with better prices on the same web page, without buying them from
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
stores
in person.
Also
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
online
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shopping
creates an opportunity for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
buy
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
products
from other countries.
For example
, a student living in Taiwan can order textbooks from the US. The process of multinational
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
online
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shopping
can
simply
be done
by cellphones, tablets and computers.

In conclusion
, while
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
online
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shopping
can be addictive, I believe that this way of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shopping
brings more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
benefits
than drawbacks.
10Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
35Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
0Mistakes

IELTS essay Buying things on the Internet, such as books, air tickets and groceries, is becoming more and more popular. Do the advantages of shopping in this way outweigh the disadvantages? v. 3

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
272 words
6
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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