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Some people say that in all levels of education, from the primary schools to universities, too much time is spend on learning facts and not enough on learning practiacal skills. Do you agree or disagree? v.2

Some people say that in all levels of education, from the primary schools to universities, too much time is spend on learning facts and not enough on learning practiacal skills. v. 2
Everyone makes mistakes. The first thing we need to acknowledge is that people can not be totally rational since the objective cause of information asymmetry and the subjective cause of social and psychological factors. For example, in human resource management, manager may have a bias impression on their employees due to the first impression, halo effect, stereotype, project effect, and immediate cause effect. Based on these effects, we may understand why the Jewish identity of Dreyfus can bring bias impression on others. Then I’d like to use the word “narcissism” to explain why people think they are right even if they’re wrong. Narcissism can be explained by extremely high self-esteem or by extremely low self-esteem that people are trying to mask. High self-esteem often goes with overconfidence and status-conscious, this kind of people have a strong belief of their judgements and may easily feel offended when others have different opinions. Compared with maintaining their authority, the truth doesn't matter. This is the reason why they refuse to release Dreyfus from prison. However, in our daily life, we should also be aware of people with low self-esteem. For this kind of people, they are sensitive to other people's comments and view neutral comments as criticism, thus ascribe the error to society rather than themselves. To sum up, if we really want to improve our judgment, the first thing we need is the knowledge about how to improve our rational thinking. Besides, we should avoid being narcissistic, we need to feel proud instead of ashamed when we notice we might have been wrong about something.
Everyone
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
makes
mistakes. The
first
thing we need to acknowledge is that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
can not be
totally
rational since the objective cause of information asymmetry and the subjective cause of social and psychological factors.
For example
, in human resource management, manager may have a bias impression on their employees due to the
first
impression, halo
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
effect
, stereotype, project
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
effect
, and immediate cause
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
effect
. Based on these effects, we may understand why the Jewish identity of Dreyfus can bring bias impression on others.

Then I’d like to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
the word “narcissism” to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
explain
why
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
they are right even if they’re
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
wrong
. Narcissism can be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
explained
by
extremely
high
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
self-esteem
or by
extremely
low
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
self-esteem
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are trying to mask. High
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
self-esteem
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
goes with overconfidence and status-conscious, this kind of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
have a strong belief of their judgements and may
easily
feel offended when others have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
opinions. Compared with maintaining their authority, the truth doesn't matter. This is the reason why they refuse to release Dreyfus from prison.
However
, in our daily life, we should
also
be aware of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
with low
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
self-esteem
. For this kind of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
, they are sensitive to other
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
's comments and view neutral comments as criticism,
thus
ascribe the error to society
rather
than themselves.

To sum up, if we
really
want to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
our
Do not mix variants of the same word ('judgment' and 'judgement') within a single text.
judgment
, the
first
thing we need is the knowledge about how to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
our rational thinking.
Besides
, we should avoid being narcissistic, we need to feel proud
instead
of ashamed when we notice we might have been
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
wrong
about something.
10Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
13Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
1Mistakes

IELTS essay Some people say that in all levels of education, from the primary schools to universities, too much time is spend on learning facts and not enough on learning practiacal skills. v. 2

Essay
  American English
3 paragraphs
263 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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