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In Britain, when someone gets old they often go to live in a home with other old people where there are nurses to look after them. Sometimes the government has to pay for this care. Who do you think should pay for this care, the government or the family? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience. v.22

In Britain, when someone gets old they often go to live in a home with other old people where there are nurses to look after them. Sometimes the government has to pay for this care. Who do you think should pay for this care, the government or the family? v. 22
Recently, a common phenomena occur, which is when someone gets older, the government prefers to let him go to a home to live with other old people and they offer nurses; to look after him. Sometimes, the government has to pay for this service. Nowadays, the debate whether the family or the government should pay has become highly disputatious. Therefore, I will mention both points of view for you to judge, will I? Some people validate that his family should make him a living and pay for his expenses, on the other hand, opponents proclaim that the government should offer this service for older people, who are unable to work. There is a plethora of reasons why the country, represented in the government, should pay. Not only because the citizens are the most important part of the country, but also due to mercy. They should set a budget aside to pay for old people's care and help. That is mainly because they don't have the physical strength and ability to go to work on a regular basis. For example, if an old poor person, who is unable to work, is left alone, we should blame the government for not offering him any secure shelter. In addition, that the services, which he paid during his whole life is gathered for the government to offer him health services, so this is his right. Viewing the other side of the coin, the family is definitely who should take care of him. Despite the fact that it will be expensive, they should be caring for their family members, especially, if he has a son or a daughter. Our parents and relatives are who teach us everything, therefore at least we should pay them back a small part of their effort, which they have exerted to help us grow and mature. For example, if my father, sixty years old man, got sick what should I do? Leave him alone at home or look after him regularly? Undoubtedly ubtfully, I should help him and take care of his health daily. To cut it short, Family should be our safe-zone, in other words, we should always go to our family, if we faces any obstacles. All in a nutshell, this essay discussed both view. I think that the family is the one, who is responsible for the fees; because it will be very costly for the country to pay for all of the old people; because they want to help in the city's expansion and building companies rather that, over sixty men. However, there is no general rule as I also believe that someone doesn't have a family, the government should offer him at least one nurse.
Recently, a common
Don't use indefinite articles with plural words. Did you mean "phenomenon"?
phenomena
occur, which is when someone
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
gets
older, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
prefers to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
let
him go to a home to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
old
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
people and
they
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
offer
nurses; to look after him.
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Sometimes
, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
has to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
pay
for this
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
service
. Nowadays, the debate whether the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
or the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
should
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
pay
has become
highly
disputatious.
Therefore
, I will mention both points of view for you to judge, will I?
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
validate that his
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
should
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
him a living and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
pay
for his expenses, on the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
hand, opponents proclaim that the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
should
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
offer
this
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
service
for older
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
are unable to work.

There is a plethora of reasons why the country, represented in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
, should
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
pay
. Not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
the citizens are the most
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
part of the country,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
due to mercy. They should set a budget aside to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
pay
for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
old
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
's care and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
help
.
That is
mainly
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
they don't have the physical strength and ability to go to work on a regular basis.
For example
, if an
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
old
poor person,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
is unable to work, is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
left
alone, we should blame the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
for not offering him any secure shelter.
In addition
, that the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
services
, which he paid during his whole life
is gathered
for the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
offer
him health
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
services
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
this is his right.

Viewing the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
side of the coin, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
is definitely
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
should take care of him. Despite the fact that it will be expensive, they should be caring for their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
members,
especially
, if he has a son or a daughter. Our parents and relatives are
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
teach us everything,
therefore
at least we should
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
pay
them back a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
small
part of their effort, which they have exerted to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
help
us grow and mature.
For example
, if my father, sixty years
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
old
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
man
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
got
sick what should I do?
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Leave
him alone at home or look after him
regularly
?
Undoubtedly
Possible spelling mistake found.
ubtfully
, I should
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
help
him and take care of his health daily. To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
cut
it short,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Family
should be our safe-zone, in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
words, we should always go to our
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
, if we
The pronoun 'we' must be used with a non-third-person form of a verb: "face"
faces
any obstacles.

All in a nutshell, this essay discussed both view. I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
is the one,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
is responsible for the fees;
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
it will be
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
costly for the country to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
pay
for
Consider using "all the".
all of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
old
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
;
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
they want to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
help
in the city's expansion and building
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
companies
rather
that, over sixty
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
men
.
However
, there is no general
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
rule
as I
also
believe that someone doesn't have a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
should
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
offer
him at least one nurse.
21Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
53Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
5Mistakes
Learning a new language is becoming a member of the club – the community of speakers of that language.
Frank Smith

IELTS essay In Britain, when someone gets old they often go to live in a home with other old people where there are nurses to look after them. Sometimes the government has to pay for this care. Who do you think should pay for this care, the government or the family? v. 22

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
450 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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