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In Britain, when someone gets old they often go to live in a home with other old people where there are nurses to look after them. Sometimes the government has to pay for this care. Who do you think should pay for this care, the government or the family? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience. v.20

In Britain, when someone gets old they often go to live in a home with other old people where there are nurses to look after them. Sometimes the government has to pay for this care. Who do you think should pay for this care, the government or the family? v. 20
Senior citizens played a pivotal role in the growth of Britain's economy when they were young. While some people believe that it is the job of the government to pay for the eldercare, others maintain that their family is the one who should be responsible for it. This essay will discuss both the viewpoints in depth and argue why it is the duty of the government to care for old people. First and foremost, an average citizen dedicates 50 years of his/her life to boosting Britain's economic growth before their retirement. For instance, majority of the direct and indirect taxes Britain earns comes from its own citizens. Therefore, the government is obligated from an ethical as well as a moral standpoint to serve its citizens when they retire and can no longer work. One can say that, it is the least the authorities can do for someone who took part in the growth of the country for the majority of their lives. On the other hand, it is the obligation of the family of an old person to provide for them as they age. However, due to the high costs involved with the old age homes, not all families can afford it. Hence, governments should step in and cover their expenses as it imparts a severe financial burden on the families. In conclusion, this essay discussed the reasons why the government should look after its senior citizens and why their family might not be able to support for their welfare. In my opinion, it is the primary responsibility of the government to take care of the aging population irrespective of the family support they receive.
Senior
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
citizens
played a pivotal role in the growth of Britain's economy when they were young. While
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
believe that it is the job of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
to pay for the eldercare, others maintain that their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
is the one who should be responsible for it. This essay will discuss both the viewpoints in depth and argue why it is the duty of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
to care for
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
old
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
.

First
and foremost, an average
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
citizen
dedicates 50 years of his/her life to boosting Britain's economic growth
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
their retirement.
For instance
,
It seems that an article is missing.
majority of
the direct and indirect taxes Britain earns
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
comes
from its
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
citizens
.
Therefore
, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
is obligated
from an ethical
as well
as a moral standpoint to serve its
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
citizens
when they retire and can no longer work. One can say that, it is the least the authorities can do for someone who
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
took part
in the growth of the country for the majority of their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
.

On the other hand
, it is the obligation of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
of an
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
old
person to provide for them as they age.
However
, due to the high costs involved with the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
old
age homes, not all
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
families
can afford it.
Hence
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
governments
should step in and cover their expenses as it imparts a severe financial burden on the families.

In conclusion
, this essay discussed the reasons why the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
should look after its senior
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
citizens
and why their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
might not be able to support for their welfare. In my opinion, it is the primary responsibility of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
to take care of the aging population irrespective of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
support they receive.
9Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
16Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
1Mistakes

IELTS essay In Britain, when someone gets old they often go to live in a home with other old people where there are nurses to look after them. Sometimes the government has to pay for this care. Who do you think should pay for this care, the government or the family? v. 20

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
275 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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