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In Britain, when someone gets old they often go to live in a home with other old people where there are nurses to look after them. Sometimes the government has to pay for this care. Who do you think should pay for this care, the government or the family? v.19

In Britain, when someone gets old they often go to live in a home with other old people where there are nurses to look after them. Sometimes the government has to pay for this care. Who do you think should pay for this care, the government or the family? v. 19
Nowadays, many elderly people are likely to spend their retirement period in an aged care. Some argue that the government should fund this department, while others believe that the family should be held responsible. In my opinion, I believe that it should be made private, in order to open more facitlities and to increase better treatments from the workers, which will be discussed further in the essay below. To start with, more facilities can be created if families are paying for this care. For instance, in Australia, many private aged care provides swimming pool, karaoke room and a safety place within their building, in order to maintain the happiness of the elderly. This is due to the accessible saving accounts that allows the organisation to spend it accordingly, rather than waiting for the government's money. Therefore, when the family is responsible to pay, the welfare of the older generation can be secured, as they can use the funding to increase the entertainments easily. In addition, a private retirement house allows the older people to be treated equally by the employees. In 2015, researchers discovered that 95% of the nurses and doctors that work within private hospitals are likely to be nicer and efficient, in comparison to the public hospitals' workers. The main reason is due to the fact that they generally earn higher salaries and time flexibilities, thus allowing them to enjoy their work and be more responsible towards the elderly. Hence, when the families are paying for the retirement house, it can improve the behaviour of the nurses or doctors towards the older generation. To conclude, it is inevitable that age care exists to assist the older people during their last period. However, I strongly encourage famiies to fund for this matter, as it will allow their older relatives to be happier and treated better by the employees.
Nowadays,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
elderly
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
are likely to spend their retirement period in an aged
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
care
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
argue that the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
should fund this department, while others believe that the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
should
be held
responsible. In my opinion, I believe that it should
be made
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
private
, in order to open more
Possible spelling mistake found.
facitlities
and to increase better treatments from the workers, which will
be discussed
further
in the essay below.

To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
start
with, more facilities can
be created
if
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
families
are paying for this
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
care
.
For instance
, in Australia,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
private
aged
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
care
provides swimming pool, karaoke room and a safety place within their building, in order to maintain the happiness of the elderly. This is due to the accessible saving accounts that
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
allows
the
Possible spelling mistake. 'organisation' is British English.
organisation
to spend it
accordingly
,
rather
than waiting for the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
's money.
Therefore
, when the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
is responsible to pay, the welfare of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
older
generation can
be secured
, as they can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
the funding to increase the entertainments
easily
.

In addition
, a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
private
retirement
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
house
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
allows
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
older
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
to
be treated
equally
by the employees. In 2015, researchers discovered that 95% of the nurses and doctors that work within
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
private
hospitals are likely to be nicer and efficient,
in comparison
to the public hospitals' workers. The main reason is due to the fact that they
generally
earn higher salaries and time
Possible spelling mistake found.
flexibilities
,
thus
allowing them to enjoy their work and be more responsible towards the elderly.
Hence
, when the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
families
are paying for the retirement
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
house
, it can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
the
Possible spelling mistake. 'behaviour' is British English.
behaviour
of the nurses or doctors towards the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
older
generation.

To conclude
, it is inevitable that age
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
care
exists to assist the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
older
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
during their last period.
However
, I
strongly
encourage
Possible spelling mistake found.
famiies
to fund for this matter, as it will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
allow
their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
older
relatives to be happier and treated better by the employees.
15Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
17Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
5Mistakes

IELTS essay In Britain, when someone gets old they often go to live in a home with other old people where there are nurses to look after them. Sometimes the government has to pay for this care. Who do you think should pay for this care, the government or the family? v. 19

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
309 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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