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Films and computer games which contain violence are very popular. Some people believe they have a negative effect on society and so should be banned. Other people, however, say they are just harmless and help people to relax. Discuss both these points of view and give your own opinion. v.2

Films and computer games which contain violence are very popular. Some people believe they have a negative effect on society and so should be banned. Other people, however, say they are just harmless and help people to relax. v. 2
Some people think that violence related movies and computer games should be banned as it has a bad effect on the society but others say there is nothing like that. It helps people to refresh their mind after the hectic schedule of the day. I believe vulgar content should be definitely censored in order to make a better community to live in. Undoubtedly, films and games are the source of entertainment for most of the individuals. This has greatly affected the lifestyle of people. For instance, whenever people get free time they just glue themselves in front of the television to watch movies or on the phone to play games for their enjoyment. They find all these a way of relaxation. Nevertheless, its demerits far outweigh its merits. Most important of them all is non-violence shows have a very adverse effect on the society especially on youngsters. They get indulge in more criminal activities by watching the vulgar content in the movies. According to a statistics released by the Department of Crime, crime is increased 15 times more as compared to the past and 75% young ones are involved in it. Furthermore, People are addicted nowadays towards playing games on the mobile phones or computer. For instance, PUBG game was in trend in the past few days. This was a challenge based game and people love to play it, most importantly, children. One of the challenges in the game also forced the people to die. In my hometown, I heard the number of cases of death due to this game only. Clearly, violent films and games should be banned as it causes harm to society very badly. For the entertainment purpose people have other things to do like outdoor activities.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that violence related movies and computer
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
should
be banned
as it has a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
bad
effect on the society
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
others say there is nothing like that. It
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helps
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to refresh their mind after the hectic schedule of the day. I believe vulgar content should be definitely censored in order to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
a better community to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
in.

Undoubtedly
, films and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
are the source of entertainment for most of the individuals. This has
greatly
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
affected
the lifestyle of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
.
For instance
, whenever
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
free time they
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
glue themselves in front of the television to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
watch
movies or on the phone to play
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
for their enjoyment. They find all these a way of relaxation.

Nevertheless
, its demerits far outweigh its merits. Most
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
of them all is non-violence
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
shows
have a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
adverse effect on the society
especially
on youngsters. They
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
indulge in more criminal activities by watching the vulgar content in the movies. According to a statistics released by the Department of Crime, crime
is increased
15 times more
Comparison requires "than", not 'then' nor 'as'.
as
compared to the past and 75% young ones
are involved
in it.

Furthermore
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
People
are addicted
nowadays towards playing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
on the mobile phones or computer.
For instance
, PUBG game was in trend in the past few days. This was a challenge based game and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
love
to play it, most
importantly
, children. One of the challenges in the game
also
forced the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
die
. In my hometown, I heard the number of cases of death due to this game
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
.

Clearly
, violent films and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
should
be banned
as it causes harm to society
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
badly
. For the entertainment purpose
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
have other things to do like outdoor activities.
8Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
13Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
1Mistakes

IELTS essay Films and computer games which contain violence are very popular. Some people believe they have a negative effect on society and so should be banned. Other people, however, say they are just harmless and help people to relax. v. 2

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
290 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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