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In Britain, when someone gets old they often go to live in a home with other old people where there are nurses to look after them. Sometimes the government has to pay for this care. Who do you think should pay for this care, the government or the family? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience v.15

In Britain, when someone gets old they often go to live in a home with other old people where there are nurses to look after them. Sometimes the government has to pay for this care. Who do you think should pay for this care, the government or the family? 15
Nowadays life requirement had become more complex than before, both parents had to work to provide a better life for them self and their children, and between commitment to their work and children they don't have the time to watch over their parents, whom, they become old enough that they can't perform well without any help. Therefore, a lot of the elderly nowadays start living in a home where they find there the care and the attention they need, but these facilities do not come without charge, which will also burden the person between their life commitment and their elderly. I believe that these charges should be separated between the governments and their families. First of all, those elderly once was before the bone that these governments were to depend on for their economy, education, security, and other fields, that's why after all of their years on serves they deserve that the governments will take care of them when they end their serves. Also, they are the responsibility of their children, who, without them and their sacrifices on their health, money, and life, they couldn't admit to school to receive the best education and buy them cloth, food, and toys just to see the smile of their children and they don't feel that they are less than the other children. In the end, for these reasons, I believe that caring for the elderly is the duty of both parties and no one can ignore that they are reasons where they are now.
Nowadays
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
requirement had become more complex than
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
, both parents had to work to provide a better
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
for them self and their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
, and between commitment to their work and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
they don't have the time to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
watch
over their parents, whom, they become
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
old
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
enough
that they can't perform well without any
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
.

Therefore
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
the elderly nowadays
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
start
living in a home where they find there the care and the attention they need,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
these facilities do not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
come
without charge, which will

This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
also
burden the person between their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
commitment and their elderly.

I believe that these charges should
be separated
between the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
governments
and their families.

This phrase is redundant. Consider using "first".
First of all
, those elderly once was
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
the bone that these
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
governments
were to depend on for their economy, education, security, and other fields, that's why
after all
of their years on serves they deserve that the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
governments
will take care of them when they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
end
their serves.

Also
, they are the responsibility of their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
, who, without them and their sacrifices on their health, money, and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
, they couldn't admit to school to receive the best education and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
buy
them cloth, food, and toys
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
see
the smile of their
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
children and
they don't feel that they are less than the other children.

In the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
end
, for these reasons, I believe that caring for the elderly is the duty of both parties and no one can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
ignore
that they are reasons where they are
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
now
.
4Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
8Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
3Mistakes

IELTS essay In Britain, when someone gets old they often go to live in a home with other old people where there are nurses to look after them. Sometimes the government has to pay for this care. Who do you think should pay for this care, the government or the family? 15

Essay
  American English
7 paragraphs
252 words
6
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 6.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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