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It is more important for school children to learn about their local history than world history. Do you agree or disagree? v.1

It is more important for school children to learn about their local history than world history. v. 1
There is a school of thought that young students should learn about the past of their own agrarian first rather than the international past. I completely agree with this opinion. The most compelling argument for putting the local past above international one in school is that it would be easier for pupils to learn. They have been unconsciously familiar with and strongly connected to the language and culture of their own provincial during early childhood, which help sets a solid foundation to learn national history. Memorizing historical names typify that, in which students would find it easier to remember the terms they can already write down and pronounce more than doing the same with what's coming from other languages. Another more pragmatic reason for prioritizing local past is that it is usually easier to teach. Generally, history educators are more knowledgeable about the past of their own country than other civilizations. In addition, materials and facilities for teaching local history are often more available than for foreign ones. Therefore, it would be difficult to reverse the condition to put more weight on the history of the world. Finally, global history should not be learnt by young scholars because of its complexity. Most learners at early ages are not capable of connecting different historical events on the world stage, which could only be accomplished by those who are more grown-up. As many pedagogical studies have suggested, only students from secondary levels should learn main events throughout human history related to their country. In conclusion, I absolutely believe that history lessons delivered at school should be more about the past of the nation than that of the world.
There is a school of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
thought
that young students should
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
learn
about the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
past
of their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
agrarian
first
rather
than the international
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
past
. I completely
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
with this opinion.

The most compelling argument for putting the local
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
past
above international one in school is that it would be easier for pupils to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
learn
. They have been
unconsciously
familiar with and
strongly
connected to the language and culture of their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
provincial during early childhood, which
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
sets a solid foundation to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
learn
national
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
history
. Memorizing historical names typify that, in which students would find it easier to remember the terms they can already write down and pronounce more than doing the same with what's coming from other languages.

Another more pragmatic reason for prioritizing local
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
past
is that it is
usually
easier to teach.
Generally
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
history
educators are more knowledgeable about the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
past
of their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
country than other civilizations.
In addition
, materials and facilities for teaching local
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
history
are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
more available than for foreign ones.
Therefore
, it would be difficult to reverse the condition to put more weight on the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
history
of the world.

Finally
, global
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
history
should not be
Possible spelling mistake. 'learnt' is British English.
learnt
by young scholars
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of its complexity. Most learners at early ages are not capable of connecting
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
historical
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
events
on the world stage, which could
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
be accomplished
by those who are more grown-up. As
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
pedagogical studies have suggested,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
students from secondary levels should
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
learn
main
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
events
throughout human
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
history
related to their country.

In conclusion
, I
absolutely
believe that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
history
lessons delivered at school should be more about the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
past
of the nation than that of the world.
9Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
17Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
1Mistakes

IELTS essay It is more important for school children to learn about their local history than world history. v. 1

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
276 words
6
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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