Do you want to improve your writing? Try our new evaluation service and get detailed feedback.
Check Your Text it's free

Improvements in health, education and trade are essential for the development of poorer nations. However, the governments of richer nations should take more responsibility for helping the poorer nations in such areas. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement? v.6

Undoubtedly, education, health and trade are the key points of sustainable development and overall economic growth of underdeveloped countries. I completely agree that the governments of developed countries should aid the underdeveloped nations in such sectors in order to improve the living standards of the poorer nations. Firstly, health is an important factor and it is essential in the prosperous development of any country. Poorer countries are deprived of proper healthcare facilities due to which the disease rate and mortality rate is much higher among those nations in comparision with the developed nations. Most of the diseases and deaths can be prevented with the preexisting treatments or vaccination programmes. For instance, HIV is highly prevalent in African countries and it can be declined by proper treatment and education. The developed countries should provide free of cost medications and should start vaccination campaign in poorer countries which in turn help in eradication of such diseases from the world. Similarly, education is also a basic right and it plays an important role in an individual’s personal development and a society as a whole. It improves the literacy rate of a nation. Thus, provide better jobs, decrease the unemployment and poverty in a nation. The developed countries should launch academic programs and provides scholarships to improve the literacy of poorer nations. Moreover, trade also provide an opportunity to the developed as well as underdeveloped countries in declining the poverty. In conclusion, I believe the governments of developed countries should provide financial support and launch different educational and health related campaigns that would help the poorer nations to fight against diseases, increase the life expectancy rate and help in the development of underdevepoled countries.
Undoubtedly
, education, health and trade are the key points of sustainable
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
development
and
overall
economic growth of underdeveloped
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
. I completely
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
that the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
governments
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
developed
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
should aid the underdeveloped
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
nations
in such sectors in order to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
the living standards of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
poorer
nations.

Firstly
, health is an
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
Use a comma before ‘and’ if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
factor and
it is essential in the prosperous
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
development
of any
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Poorer
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
are deprived
of proper healthcare facilities due to which the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
disease
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
rate
and mortality
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
rate
is much higher among those
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
nations
in
Possible spelling mistake found.
comparision
with the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
developed
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
nations
. Most of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
diseases
and deaths can be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
prevented
with the preexisting treatments or vaccination
Possible spelling mistake. ‘programmes’ is British English.
programmes
.
For instance
, HIV is
highly
prevalent in African
Use a comma before ‘and’ if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
countries and
it can
be declined
by proper treatment and education. The
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
developed
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
should
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
provide
free of cost medications and should
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
start
vaccination campaign in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
poorer
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
which in turn
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
in eradication of such
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
diseases
from the world.

Similarly
, education is
also
a basic
Use a comma before ‘and’ if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
right and
it plays an
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
role in an individual’s personal
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
development
and a society as a whole. It
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improves
the literacy
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
rate
of a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
nation
.
Thus
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
provide
better jobs, decrease the unemployment and poverty in a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
nation
. The
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
developed
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
should launch academic programs and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
provides
scholarships to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
the literacy of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
poorer
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
nations
.
Moreover
, trade
also
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
provide
an opportunity to the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
developed
as well
as underdeveloped
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
in declining the poverty.

In conclusion
, I believe the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
governments
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
developed
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
should
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
provide
financial support and launch
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
educational and health related campaigns that would
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
poorer
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
nations
to fight against
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
diseases
, increase the life expectancy
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
rate
and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
development
of
Possible spelling mistake found.
underdevepoled
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
.
What do you think?
  • This is funny writingFunny
  • I love this writingLove
  • This writing has blown my mindWow
  • It made me angryAngry
  • It made me sadSad
Show Comments
Language is not a genetic gift, it is a social gift. Learning a new language is becoming a member of the club – the community of speakers of that language.
Frank Smith

IELTS essay Improvements in health, education and trade are essential for the development of poorer nations. However, the governments of richer nations should take more responsibility for helping the poorer nations in such areas. with this opinion?

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
280 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 5.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
Similar posts


Recent posts