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Improvement in health, education and trade are essential for the development of poorer nations. However, the governments of richer nations should take more responsibility for helping the poorer nation in such area. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this opinion? v.2

Improvement in health, education and trade are essential for the development of poorer nations. However, the governments of richer nations should take more responsibility for helping the poorer nation in such area. with this opinion? v. 2
Health, education and trade are crucial items for a country to develop. However, poorer nations face many difficulties to improve in these areas, I would argue that the government of richer nations should take more responsibility to help them in such area. There are several reasons why under developed countries should receive help from richer nations. Firstly, the majority of people in these countries are illiterates. Usually, governments of these countries have no proper experience and knowledge to make an efficient program to lead their people to be literate. In this situation, developed countries can help them by giving appropriate curriculum and education materials such as books and stationeries along with expert and volunteer teachers to go to these countries and teach individuals specially children. Moreover, philanthropic organizations in associated with wealthy nations' government can play a key role to construct school buildings in poorer countries particularly in rural areas. Secondly, another major problem in the vulnerable nations is the lack of health in both medicine and food. These countries, mostly affected by diseases such as AIDS, POLIO and so on. For many reasons like illiterate people, lack of appropriate infrastructures, huge populations and widespread poverty, the government of these countries are not able to provide a proper health care system. Hence, other nations specially affluent society should involve in this vital issue. Last but not least, in order to help poorer nations develop and reach to the basics of living requirement, rich nations should trade with them and help them to earn money by themselves. In conclusion, poverty stricken countries need help from wealthy nations to developing their countries.
Health, education and trade are crucial items for a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
to develop.
However
, poorer
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
nations
face
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
difficulties to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
in these areas, I would argue that the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
of richer
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
nations
should take more responsibility to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
help
them in such area.

There are several reasons why under developed
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
should receive
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
help
from richer
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
nations
.
Firstly
, the majority of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
in these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
are illiterates.
Usually
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
governments
of these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
have no proper experience and knowledge to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
an efficient program to lead their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
to be literate. In this situation, developed
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
can
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
help
them by giving appropriate curriculum and education materials such as books and
Possible spelling mistake found.
stationeries
along with expert and volunteer teachers to go to these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
and teach individuals
specially
children.
Moreover
, philanthropic organizations in associated with wealthy nations'
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
can play a key role to construct school buildings in poorer
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
particularly
in rural areas.

Secondly
, another major problem in the vulnerable
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
nations
is the lack of health in both medicine and food. These
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
,
mostly
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
affected
by diseases such as AIDS, POLIO and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
on. For
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
reasons like illiterate
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
, lack of appropriate infrastructures, huge populations and widespread poverty, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
of these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
are not able to provide a proper health care system.
Hence
, other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
nations
specially
affluent society should involve in this vital issue. Last
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
not least, in order to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
help
poorer
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
nations
develop and reach to the basics of living requirement, rich
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
nations
should trade with them and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
help
them to earn money by themselves.

In conclusion
,
This word is normally spelled with hyphen.
poverty stricken
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
need
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
help
from wealthy
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
nations
to developing their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
.
7.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7.5Mistakes

IELTS essay Improvement in health, education and trade are essential for the development of poorer nations. However, the governments of richer nations should take more responsibility for helping the poorer nation in such area. with this opinion? v. 2

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
270 words
7.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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