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if you where ask to choose one place in your country where you would take a tourist, which one would you choose? why? what is specially impressive about that place? use specific reasons and details to explain your choice. v.1

if you where ask to choose one place in your country where you would take a tourist, which one would you choose? why? what is specially impressive about that place? use specific reasons and details to explain your choice. v. 1
No one could deny the fact that being contented is vital for an individuals life. This essay will examine the reasons for why it is not easy to explain happiness and would analyse the aspects that are required to reach it. On the one hand, each individual has a confined view about being happy and they require different elements in order to reach the state of joy. To be precise, business magnets would still have many challenges in their career, despite their higher financial status. But an ordinary man with a supporting family and an average income would still be running towards earning money believing that the true euphoria lies within filled pockets. In addition, some people find it easy to laugh in difficult situations, whereas it is extremely challenging to make certain people to burst out loud. In other words, the natural personality of a person will make it difficult to explain the state of being contented. For example, psychological problems would also lead to continuous laughter but this does not contribute to being happy. In contrast, even though it is tiring to define the state of euphoria, there are some fundamental elements that are vital for being cheerful. Firstly, having caring and a strong relationship is important as they would be supporting in worrying situations. Secondly, the financial burden is an energy draining genre that wipes out most of the joy from an individual when it is difficult to purchase the desired materials. Finally, the dwelling environment has to be peaceful which enables families to live in a relaxed state. For example, people living in congested areas have shown increased aggressive behaviour when compared to people living in calm surroundings. In conclusion, despite the difficulties in portraying happiness, it can be achieved by strong relationships, sufficient money to fulfill the needs and a peaceful environment.
No one could deny the fact that
being contented
is vital for an
Possible typo: apostrophe is missing. Did you mean "individuals'" or "individual's"?
individuals
life. This essay will examine the reasons for why it is not easy to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
explain
happiness and would
Possible spelling mistake. 'analyse' is British English.
analyse
the aspects that
are required
to reach it.

On the one hand, each individual has a confined view about being
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
happy and
they require
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
elements in order to reach the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
state
of joy. To be precise, business magnets would
still
have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
challenges in their career, despite their higher financial status.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
But
an ordinary
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
man
with a supporting family and an average income would
still
be running towards earning money believing that the true euphoria lies within filled pockets.
In addition
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
find it easy to laugh in difficult situations, whereas it is
extremely
challenging to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
certain
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to burst out loud.
In other words
, the natural personality of a person will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
it difficult to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
explain
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
state
of
being contented
.
For example
, psychological problems would
also
lead to continuous laughter
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
this does not contribute to being happy.

In contrast
,
even though
it is tiring to define the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
state
of euphoria, there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
fundamental elements that are vital for being cheerful.
Firstly
, having caring and a strong relationship is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
as they would be supporting in worrying situations.
Secondly
, the financial burden is an energy draining genre that wipes out most of the joy from an individual when it is difficult to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
purchase
the desired materials.
Finally
, the dwelling environment
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
has to
be peaceful which enables families to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
in a relaxed
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
state
.
For example
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
living in congested areas have shown increased aggressive
Possible spelling mistake. 'behaviour' is British English.
behaviour
when compared to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
living in calm surroundings.

In conclusion
, despite the difficulties in portraying happiness, it can
be achieved
by strong relationships, sufficient money to fulfill the needs and a peaceful environment.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Mistakes

IELTS essay if you where ask to choose one place in your country where you would take a tourist, which one would you choose? why? what is specially impressive about that place? use specific reasons and details to explain your choice. v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
307 words
7
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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