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If you have the opportunity to do something for a good cause, which of the following would you choose? 1. Distributing meals to needy people2. Helping build a playground for children3. Visiting people in hospitals v.2

If you have the opportunity to do something for a good cause, which of the following would you choose? 1. Distributing meals to needy people2. Helping build a playground for children3. Visiting people in hospitals v. 2
As human beings, we must help each other whenever possible to create a better society. if I were given a choice to do a philanthropic activity, I would definitely opt for a position in a group that helps build a playground for young children. The most legitimate reasons for my preference are elaborated in the ensuing paragraphs[S1]. To begin with, making a decent playground for children provides them with an opportunity to develop and grow. By playing with their peers, children learn the most essential social skills; they learn how to interact with other children, communicate effectively, make friends and play in groups. Moreover, play improves children' s intellectual abilities. When they devise games or play with each other, they need to constantly use their mind and power of creativity. The results of a scientific study in Psychology Today has indicated that the children who play outside with their peers frequently develop a higher IQ and become more intelligent. Therefore, by contributing to making a playground for small children, I will be able to help them to develop not only socially but also mentally. Furthermore, contributing in[S2] the construction of a playground will also be useful for the people who are involved in the process themselves. Those who work on such projects will be endowed with an opportunity to utilize their knowledge and implement their skills in practice. Personally, as an architecture student, I will be able to practice the lessons that I have learned in university in a real-life situation if I participate in the construction of a playground. To be more specific, I will be able to sketch the outline of the area, do a computer simulation with software for the design and determine the position of machines and vegetation. this hands-on work will be an invaluable experience that not only teaches me challenges me to implement my knowledge but also boosts my confidence in my own abilities. All in all, taking the aforementioned arguments into account, if I were given the choice for an altruistic activity, I would choose to help build a playground for small children. this is because I will be able to provide an opportunity for children to develop. In addition, this practical experience can be highly useful for me as an architecture student [S2]contributing to
As human beings, we
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
help
each other whenever possible to create a better society.
This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
if
I were
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
a choice to do a philanthropic activity, I would definitely opt for a position in a group that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
helps
build a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
playground
for young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
. The most legitimate reasons for my preference
are elaborated
in the ensuing paragraphs[S1].

To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
with, making a decent
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
playground
for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
provides them with an opportunity to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
develop
and grow. By playing with their peers,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
learn the most essential social
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
; they learn how to interact with other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
, communicate
effectively
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
friends and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
play
in groups.
Moreover
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
play
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improves
Possible spelling mistake found.
children&
#039; s intellectual abilities. When they devise games or
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
play
with each other, they need to
constantly
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
their mind and power of creativity. The results of a scientific study in Psychology
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Today
has indicated that the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
who
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
play
outside with their peers
frequently
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
develop
a higher IQ and become more intelligent.
Therefore
, by contributing to making a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
playground
for
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
small
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
, I will be
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
able
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
help
them to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
develop
not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
socially
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
mentally.

Furthermore
, contributing in[S2] the construction of a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
playground
will
also
be useful for the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
who
are involved
in the process themselves. Those who work on such projects will
be endowed
with an opportunity to utilize their knowledge and implement their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
in practice.
Personally
, as an architecture student, I will be
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
able
to practice the lessons that I have learned in university in a real-life situation if I participate in the construction of a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
playground
. To be more specific, I will be
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
able
to sketch the outline of the area, do a computer simulation with software for the design and determine the position of machines and vegetation.
This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
this
hands-on work will be an invaluable experience that not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
teaches me challenges me to implement my knowledge
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
boosts my confidence in my
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
abilities.

All in all, taking the aforementioned arguments into account, if I were
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
the choice for an altruistic activity, I would choose to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
help
build a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
playground
for
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
small
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
.
This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
this
is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
I will be
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
able
to provide an opportunity for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
develop
.
In addition
, this practical experience can be
highly
useful for me as an architecture
Please add a punctuation mark at the end of paragraph
student


[S2]contributing to
11Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
31Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
5Mistakes
I am always sorry when any language is lost, because languages are the pedigrees of nations.
Samuel Johnson

IELTS essay If you have the opportunity to do something for a good cause, which of the following would you choose? 1. Distributing meals to needy people2. Helping build a playground for children3. Visiting people in hospitals v. 2

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
381 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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