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The community you live in is planning on setting up new facilities, which of the following do you think would benefit the community most and why? 1. a shopping mall 2. an art center 3. a hotel v.2

The community you live in is planning on setting up new facilities, which of the following do you think would benefit the community most and why? 1. a shopping mall 2. an art center 3. a hotel v. 2
The community plays an essential role in our lives. People always benefit a lot from their communities since most communities offer people many facilities. Some people think that having an art center or a hotel will offer them a lot of advantages, while others believe it is more beneficial to have a shopping center. I totally agree that people will benefit more from having a new shopping center. I feel this way for two reasons which I will explore in the following essay. First of all, the shopping center is a good place for all people. They can enjoy their weekends and have a lot of fun, unlike an art center or a hotel that are interesting to limited people. No one does not like to the mall, even if they do not like shopping, they usually need to go to buy their stuff. Having a shopping center in our community will save us a lot of time and money. My own experience clearly illustrates this reality. I have a huge mall in my neighborhood. It is just about 15 minutes away from my home. Before its opening, I had to drive about an hour to another one in a different city, but now I always prefer to do shopping in it. It contains all my favorite stores, so no need to go somewhere else. Sometimes my friends and I prefer to hang out in it during the weekend. In addition, it has a wonderful food court with my favorite fast food restaurants. My kids also like to go there since there is a place with a lot of video games. Thus, we can do shopping, eating and enjoying our time. As you can see, shopping centers are a good place for families, friend and even couples to gather and have fun. Moreover, shopping centers may provide people with a lot of jobs. If our community is planning to open a new mall, probably they will need to hire a lot of employees. Take my brother as an example. He is in his second year at college and he wanted to get a job to afford his expenses, but he could not find any job that fits his schedule. After the new opening of the mall in his neighborhood, he was able to get a job that really fits his schedule with a good salary. In addition, he did not has to spend time commuting to it since it is in the same area. Thus, he was able to organize his time effectively between his work and his studies. This demonstrates that having shopping centers will benefit all people, especially students. All in all, having a shopping center in our community will bring us a lot of advantages. Not only because it is a good place for all people to gather and have fun, but because it will provide job opportunities for some of them.
The
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
community
plays an essential role in our
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
People
always benefit a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
lot
from their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
communities
since most
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
communities
offer
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
facilities.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
having
an art center or a hotel will offer them a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
lot
of advantages, while others believe it is more beneficial to have a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shopping
center. I
totally
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
will benefit more from
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
having
a new
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shopping
center. I feel this way for two reasons which I will explore in the following essay.

This phrase is redundant. Consider using "first".
First of all
, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shopping
center is a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
good
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
place
for all
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
. They can enjoy their weekends and have a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
lot
of fun, unlike an art center or a hotel that are interesting to limited
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
. No one does not like to the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
mall
, even if they do not like
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shopping
, they
usually
need to go to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
buy
their stuff.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Having
a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shopping
center in our
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
community
will save us a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
lot
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
and money. My
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
experience
clearly
illustrates this reality. I have a huge
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
mall
in my neighborhood. It is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
about 15 minutes away from my home.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Before
its opening, I had to drive about an hour to another one in a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
city,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
now
I always prefer to do
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shopping
in it. It contains all my favorite stores,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
no need to go somewhere else.
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Sometimes
my friends and I prefer to hang out in it during the weekend.
In addition
, it has a wonderful food court with my favorite
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
fast
food restaurants. My kids
also
like to go there since there is a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
place
with a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
lot
of video games.
Thus
, we can do
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shopping
, eating and enjoying our
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
. As you can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
see
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shopping
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
centers
are a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
good
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
place
for families, friend and even couples to gather and have fun.

Moreover
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shopping
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
centers
may provide
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
with a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
lot
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
jobs
. If our
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
community
is planning to open a new
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
mall
,
probably
they will need to hire a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
lot
of employees. Take my brother as an example. He is in his second year at
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
college and
he wanted to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
to afford his expenses,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
he could not find any
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
that fits his schedule. After the new opening of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
mall
in his neighborhood, he was able to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
that
really
fits his schedule with a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
good
salary.
In addition
, he did not
The verb 'did' requires the base form of the verb: "have"
has
to spend
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
commuting to it since it is in the same area.
Thus
, he was able to organize his
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
effectively
between his work and his studies. This demonstrates that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
having
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shopping
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
centers
will benefit all
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
,
especially
students.

All in all,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
having
a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shopping
center in our
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
community
will bring us a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
lot
of advantages. Not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
it is a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
good
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
place
for all
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to gather and have fun,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
it will provide
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
opportunities for
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
of them.
11Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
63Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
5Mistakes
Learning a new language is becoming a member of the club – the community of speakers of that language.
Frank Smith

IELTS essay The community you live in is planning on setting up new facilities, which of the following do you think would benefit the community most and why? 1. a shopping mall 2. an art center 3. a hotel v. 2

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
485 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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