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If you have more money, do you want to spend your money on objects like clothes and electronic devices or spend your money on experience? v.1

If you have more money, do you want to spend your money on objects like clothes and electronic devices or spend your money on experience? v. 1
The development of a nation has been merited mainly to the educational industry. It is believed that education is the main significant factor in the growth of a nation. I personally agree that education plays the most pivotal role in developing a country. I. This essay, I will discuss the reasons for my claim. Firstly, educational knowledge can give myriads of skills to individuals of a nation. By this, I mean people will gain various dexterities to perform in a in a specific field. For instance, the engineers who build infrastructures, the scientists who discover problems, and the medical doctors who treat people, as well as the leaders of a nation all acquired education in one way or the other, as without a rudimentary educational knowledge these mentioned people above would not be skilful and efficient in their careers. Thus, education plays the single most crucial role in the advancement of a country. Secondly, having background in education can broaden one’s horizon. What I mean is people who are educated tend to be well informed. For example, cable news network reported that 90% of people who make informed decisions are those that are educated. Therefore, knowledge in education can help individuals to make wise decisions to the betterment of their country. In conclusion, education is the sole main reason for a nation’s development. Citizens of a country could develop superb skills and knowledge through education, as gaining this will help in the growth of nation. Therefore, receiving educational skills is a must for any nation that wants to grow in all fields.
The development of a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
nation
has
been merited
mainly
to the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
educational
industry. It
is believed
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
is the main significant factor in the growth of a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
nation
. I
personally
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
plays the most pivotal role in developing a country. I. This essay, I will discuss the reasons for my claim.

Firstly
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
educational
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
knowledge
can give myriads of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
to individuals of a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
nation
. By this, I mean
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
will gain various
Possible spelling mistake found.
dexterities
to perform
This phrase is duplicated. You should probably leave only "in a".
in a in a
specific field.
For instance
, the engineers
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
build infrastructures, the scientists
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
discover problems, and the medical doctors
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
treat
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
,
as well
as the leaders of a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
nation
all acquired
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
in one way or the other, as without a rudimentary
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
educational
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
knowledge
these mentioned
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
above would not be
Possible spelling mistake. 'skilful' is British English.
skilful
and efficient in their careers.
Thus
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
plays the single most crucial role in the advancement of a country.

Secondly
, having background in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
can broaden one’s horizon. What I mean is
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
are educated
tend to be
This word is normally spelled with hyphen.
well informed
.
For example
, cable news network reported that 90% of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
informed decisions are those that
are educated
.
Therefore
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
knowledge
in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
individuals to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
wise decisions to the betterment of their country.

In conclusion
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
is the sole main reason for a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
nation’s
development. Citizens of a country could develop superb
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
knowledge
through
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
, as gaining this will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
in the growth of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
nation
.
Therefore
, receiving
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
educational
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
is a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
for any
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
nation
that wants to grow in all fields.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Mistakes

IELTS essay If you have more money, do you want to spend your money on objects like clothes and electronic devices or spend your money on experience? v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
262 words
7
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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