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TPO 51 Writing IndependentDo you agree or disagree with the following statement? Movies and television have more negative effects than positive effects on the way young people behave. Use specific reasons and examples to support your answer. v.1

TPO 51 Writing Independent Movies and television have more negative effects than positive effects on the way young people behave. Use specific reasons and examples to support your answer. v. 1
The past few decades have seen an increasing frequency of people celebrating memorable events or occasions like graduation ceremonies, weddings, and birthdays. The principal reasons for this trend are twofold. First of all, people nowadays have more savings to spend on celebrations - which normally associate with recreational activities like parties, dancing, or group meal - while our predecessor needed every piece of a penny on living essentials such as foods or clothes. As the productivity of the entire world rises and machinery takes over most of the production processes, we, humankind, are able to relieve ourselves from fighting for foods and chase leisure activities instead. Hence, since they are undoubtedly the happiest moments in our life, celebrating weddings, birthdays, and other similar events have become reasonable. Further and even more importantly, though, celebrating special occasions creates shared memories among families and friends, which is vital for us since we are social animals. The same memories of special moments that we share with family members or friends will become topics anytime we meet each other in the future and will be the bond that significantly improves relationships among us. It is irrefutable that the milestones of our life, such as graduation, marriage, birth would be the perfect moments to hold the mentioned-above celebrations. Celebrations, therefore, like a strong and vital glue that sticks the whole society together. By way of conclusion, having the ceremonies for special events in our life is not only one of the methods that humans use to relax, but also vital for us to maintain the connection with our loved ones.
The past few decades have
seen
an increasing frequency of
people
celebrating memorable
events
or occasions like graduation ceremonies, weddings, and birthdays. The principal reasons for this trend are twofold.

First of all
,
people
nowadays have more savings to spend on celebrations
-
which
normally
associate with recreational activities like parties, dancing, or group meal
-
while our predecessor needed every piece of a penny on living essentials such as foods or clothes. As the productivity of the entire world rises and machinery takes over most of the production processes, we, humankind, are able to relieve ourselves from fighting for foods and chase leisure activities
instead
.
Hence
, since they are
undoubtedly
the happiest moments in our life, celebrating weddings, birthdays, and other similar
events
have become reasonable.

Further
and even more
importantly
, though, celebrating special occasions creates shared memories among families and friends, which is vital for us since we are social animals. The same memories of special moments that we share with family members or friends will become topics anytime we
meet
each other in the future and will be the bond that
significantly
improves
relationships among us. It is irrefutable that the milestones of our life, such as graduation, marriage, birth would be the perfect moments to hold the mentioned-above celebrations. Celebrations,
therefore
, like a strong and vital glue that sticks the whole society together.

By way of conclusion, having the ceremonies for special
events
in our life is not
only
one of the methods that humans
use
to relax,
but
also
vital for us to maintain the connection with our
loved
ones.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Mistakes

IELTS essay TPO 51 Writing Independent Movies and television have more negative effects than positive effects on the way young people behave. Use specific reasons and examples to support your answer. v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
265 words
7
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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