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If you have an opportunity to send your child to study abroad, would you have him/her educated in the US or in your home country? v.1

If you have an opportunity to send your child to study abroad, would you have him/her educated in the US or in your home country? v. 1
Increasingly, experts are emigrating to developed nations from poorer ones. This essay will first suggest that the biggest problem caused by this phenomenon is the resulting brain drain for the countries they leave, and then submit increased investments in education as the most adequate solution. The foremost problem caused by experts' emigration to richer countries is brain drain. This is because experts perform various functions such as teaching and providing medical care, which can contribute to building the economies of their countries of origin. Teachers and lecturers, for instance, carry out the crucial tasks of grooming current and future brain power. Consequently, if the performers of this critical function exit a country in large numbers for greener pastures, that country's economy can become weaker. To illustrate, a report released by the United Nations in 2018 shows that countries with the highest rates of economic migration such as Iran and Nigeria, have also reported a progressive decline in their annual GDP between 2009 and 2017. A viable solution to this therefore, would be for governments experiencing a significant reduction in their workforce to invest more in education. The reason for this is that schools at all levels are usually the tools for churning out creative minds and the stronger a nation's educational institutions are, the more capacity it has for producing and reproducing a skilled labour force. For example, after the Ghanaian government began to allocate over 20% of its annual budget to education from 2001 in line with the UN's recommendations, its skilled workforce population has grown steadily by at least 9% annually even though the exodus of skilled citizens to the west has generally continued. In conclusion, a large number of professional workers leave less developed countries for more advanced ones, causing a significant reduction in skilled manpower. This essay has suggested that this can be solved when the governments of these poorer countries increase their funding for education.
Increasingly
, experts are emigrating to developed nations from poorer ones. This essay will
first
suggest that the biggest problem caused by this phenomenon is the resulting brain drain for the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
leave
, and then submit increased investments in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
as the most adequate solution.

The foremost problem caused by experts' emigration to richer
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
is brain drain. This is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
experts perform various functions such as teaching and providing medical care, which can contribute to building the economies of their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
of origin. Teachers and lecturers,
for instance
, carry out the crucial tasks of grooming
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
current
and future brain power.
Consequently
, if the performers of this critical function exit a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
in large numbers for greener pastures, that country's economy can become weaker. To illustrate, a report released by the United Nations in 2018
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
shows
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
with the highest rates of economic migration such as Iran and Nigeria, have
also
reported a progressive decline in their annual GDP between 2009 and 2017.

A viable solution to this
therefore
, would be for
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
governments
experiencing a significant reduction in their workforce to invest more in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
.
The reason for this is
that schools at all levels are
usually
the tools for churning out creative minds and the stronger a nation's educational institutions are, the more capacity it has for producing and reproducing a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
skilled
Possible spelling mistake. 'labour' is British English.
labour
force.
For example
, after the Ghanaian
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
began to allocate over 20% of its annual budget to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
from 2001 in line with the UN's recommendations, its
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
skilled
workforce population has grown
steadily
by at least 9%
annually
even though
the exodus of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
skilled
citizens to the west has
generally
continued.

In conclusion
,
Specify a number, remove phrase, or simply use "many" or "numerous"
a large number of
professional workers
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
leave
less developed
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
for more advanced ones, causing a significant reduction in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
skilled
manpower. This essay has suggested that this can
be solved
when the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
governments
of these poorer
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
increase their funding for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
.
7.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7.5Mistakes
A different language is a different vision of life.
Federico Fellini

IELTS essay If you have an opportunity to send your child to study abroad, would you have him/her educated in the US or in your home country? v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
320 words
7.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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