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social media, such as TV, radio and newspaper provide people with wrong information and mislead socities? v.1

social media, such as TV, radio and newspaper provide people with wrong information and mislead socities? v. 1
In the olden days people only bought what they needed. However, over the last few decades, their purchasing power has increased and now shopping has become the favourite pastime of many people. In my opinion, this development should be discouraged because excessive consumption is bad for both the society and the environment. The society has become more affluent over the years. Consequently, they now buy just about anything they can find in the market. It does not really bother them whether they actually need the product or not. Shopping has become a hobby and that explains why people constantly upgrade their mobile phones and cars. To take advantage of this compulsive urge to shop, manufacturers release upgraded versions of their gadgets every six months. The changes could be superficial and yet people place their order months in advance. A disturbing aspect of this trend is that it leads to competition among peers. Mindless consumption also lands people in deep financial difficulty. Credit cards are widely available now and hence people can buy even if they do not have money in the wallet. Unfortunately, when they default on the card payment, they fall into the debt trap. Another major downside of excessive consumption is that it leads to the production of more garbage. Landfills are already overflowing with products that are still very much usable. This causes land and water pollution. Another disadvantage of this development is that it results in further depletion of resources that have already become scarce. For example, when the demand for furniture increases more trees have to be cut down. Production also requires electricity and this leads to the burning of more fossil fuels. In conclusion, when shopping becomes a hobby, it does not benefit anyone. It lands the shopper in financial difficulty and also hurts the environment. Therefore, I believe that this is a negative development and it should be discouraged.
In the olden days
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
bought
what they needed.
However
, over the last few decades, their purchasing power has increased and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
now
shopping has
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
become
the
Possible spelling mistake. 'favourite' is British English.
favourite
pastime of
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
. In my opinion, this development should
be discouraged
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
excessive consumption is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
bad
for both the society and the environment.

The society has
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
become
more affluent over the years.
Consequently
, they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
now
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
buy
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
about anything they can find in the market. It does not
really
bother them whether they actually need the product or not. Shopping has
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
become
a hobby and that
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
explains
why
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
constantly
upgrade their mobile phones and cars. To take advantage of this compulsive urge to shop, manufacturers release upgraded versions of their gadgets every six months. The
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
changes
could be superficial and
yet
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
place their order months in advance.

A disturbing aspect of this trend is that it leads to competition among peers. Mindless consumption
also
lands
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
in deep financial difficulty. Credit cards are
widely
available
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
now
and
hence
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
buy
even if they do not have money in the wallet. Unfortunately, when they default on the card payment, they fall into the debt trap.

Another major downside of excessive consumption is that it leads to the production of more garbage. Landfills are already overflowing with products that are
still
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
much usable. This causes land and water pollution. Another disadvantage of this development is that it results in
further
depletion of resources that have already
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
become
scarce.
For example
, when the demand for furniture increases more trees
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
cut
down. Production
also
requires electricity and this leads to the burning of more fossil fuels.

In conclusion
, when shopping
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
becomes
a hobby, it does not benefit anyone. It lands the shopper in financial difficulty and
also
hurts the environment.
Therefore
, I believe that this is a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
development and it should
be discouraged
.
7.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7.5Mistakes
Learning another language is not only learning different words for the same things, but learning another way to think about things.
Flora Lewis

IELTS essay social media, such as TV, radio and newspaper provide people with wrong information and mislead socities? v. 1

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
316 words
7.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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