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students today can easily access information online, so libraries are no longer necessary. Do you agree or disagree? v.2

students today can easily access information online, so libraries are no longer necessary. v. 2
It is argued by many that government spending on art should be spent on other facilities like Medicare and conveyance, while others say that art should be state sponsored. While other facilities like public transport and health services are crucial, I would argue that it should not improved be at the cost of art and culture. On the one hand the advocates of services like public transport and health care look at it as necessity to live smoothly. If a nation will have efficient transport, advanced medical services, people will be able to commute faster at their jobs and the speed at which goods will reach from warehouses to retailers will enhance in addition to it more lives will be saved with latest technologies in medical, as a result, it will be beneficial for the economy and overall well being of a nation. For example, in Dubai, The Council has done massive investment in infrastructure like roads and hospitals, which has resulted in an improved lifestyle of its citizens On the other hand, ARTISTS hold responsibility of CONSERVing heritage of the country. Art and culture of any country are the IDENTITY OF THAT PARTICULAR region ALSO WITHOUT ART HOW WILL WE RELAX and GET RID OF REGULAR WORKING ROUTINE? THE PURPOSE OF LIFE IS NOT JUST EARNING we need arts to enjoy and soothe the stress we aggregate while working on a regular basis. When art is sustained with discipline it attracts tourism. For example, In Rome there are many state sponsored museums and theatres, which performs the plays from the era of the great Roman empire to commemorate the glory they had during that period of history and this is a major attraction for the historians. Thus, this not only caters to the fun activity of locals, but could also be a boost to economy by attracting tourism and foreign currency. In conclusion, although services like better roads and hospitals are vital for any nation, art should not be compromised for that because it helps us to retain the rich and glorious heritage and can be contributing economic factor.
It
is argued
by
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
that
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
spending on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
art
should
be spent
on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
facilities like Medicare and conveyance, while others say that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
art
should be state sponsored. While
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
facilities like public transport and health
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
services
are crucial, I would argue that it should not
The verb 'should' requires the base form of the verb: "improve"
improved
be at the cost of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
art
and culture.

On the one hand the advocates of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
services
like public transport and health care look at it as necessity to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
smoothly
. If a nation
Consider removing 'will'. (Usually, 'will' does not occur in a conditional clause, unless in the sense 'want to' or 'be willing to'.)
will have
efficient transport, advanced medical
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
services
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
will be able to commute faster at their jobs and the speed at which
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
goods
will reach from warehouses to retailers will enhance
in addition
to it more
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
will
be saved
with
A determiner is probably missing here: "the latest".
latest
technologies in medical,
as a result
, it will be beneficial for the economy and
overall
This word is normally spelled with hyphen.
well being
of a nation.
For example
, in Dubai, The Council has done massive investment in infrastructure like roads and hospitals, which has resulted in an
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improved
lifestyle of its
Please add a punctuation mark at the end of paragraph
citizens


On the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
hand, ARTISTS hold responsibility of
Possible spelling mistake found.
CONSERVing
heritage of the country.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Art
and culture of any country are the IDENTITY OF THAT PARTICULAR region
ALSO
WITHOUT
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
ART
HOW WILL WE RELAX and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
GET
RID OF REGULAR WORKING ROUTINE? THE PURPOSE OF LIFE IS NOT
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
JUST
EARNING we need
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
arts
to enjoy and soothe the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stress
we aggregate while working on a regular basis.
“When” at the beginning of a sentence usually requires a 2nd clause. Maybe a comma, question or exclamation mark is missing, or the sentence is incomplete and should be joined with the following sentence.
When
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
art
is sustained
with discipline it attracts tourism.
For example
, In Rome there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
state sponsored museums and
Possible spelling mistake. 'theatres' is British English.
theatres
, which performs the plays from the era of the great
If the term is a proper noun, use initial capitals.
Roman empire
to commemorate the glory they had during that period of history and this is a major attraction for the historians.
Thus
, this not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
caters to the fun activity of locals,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
could
also
be a boost to economy by attracting tourism and foreign currency.

In conclusion
, although
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
services
like better roads and hospitals are vital for any nation,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
art
should not
be compromised
for that
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
it
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helps
us to retain the rich and glorious heritage and can be contributing economic factor.
7.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7.5Mistakes
One who speaks only one language is one person, but one who speaks two languages is two people.
Turkish proverb

IELTS essay students today can easily access information online, so libraries are no longer necessary. v. 2

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
350 words
7.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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