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If you had an entire month to do whatever you would like to do, what would itbe? Include details and examples to support your explanation. v.1

If you had an entire month to do whatever you would like to do, what would itbe? Include details and examples to support your explanation. v. 1
Nowadays, masses put a lot of efforts to remain healthy so, they join various fitness centres to do an exercise; however, a group of individuals believe that routine actions are enough to keep the body in shape. In my opinion, going to gym is significant as it helps in doing the full-body workout as compared to daily actions where there is only partial movement of the body. To begin with, the gym is a specially designed health centre with many exercises that works on every part of the body. For example, there are many training drills in the gym such as pull down, dead lift, squats and bench press. All these exercises work on shoulders, upper and lower back, legs and chest respectively. These physical activities not only increase the strength of the muscles in a body but also develop them. Further, if the masses go to gym, it enhances the logical as well as analytical skills of the people because it escalates the supply of oxygen and blood to the brain. For instance, in a survey, it was found that individuals who go to the gym have a more intelligent quotient level as compared to those who do not do it. Thus, joining a gym is necessary to keep the body fit. On the contrary, if people depend on everyday activities such as climbing stairs and walking, these only work on certain parts of the body. To illustrate, while walking and climbing the stairs, there is a movement of the lower part of the body but hardly any movement of the upper part. Therefore, other parts of the body do not get trained. Besides, it does not improve any mental health because there is no increase in blood supply to the brain by performing such activities. Hence, it has a little effect on the body. To summarize, according to me, joining a gym makes people healthy, and daily activities are also a type of workout, but has limited benefits.
Nowadays, masses put
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
efforts to remain healthy
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
, they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
join
various fitness
Possible spelling mistake. 'centres' is British English.
centres
to do an exercise;
however
, a group of individuals
Possible agreement error. Did you mean "believes"? (Some collective nouns can be treated as both singular and plural, so 'believe' is not always incorrect.)
believe
that routine actions are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
enough
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
keep
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
body
in shape. In my opinion, going to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
gym
is significant as it
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helps
in doing the full-body workout as compared to daily actions where there is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
partial movement of the body.

To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
with, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
gym
is a
specially
designed health
Possible spelling mistake. 'centre' is British English.
centre
with
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
exercises that works on every
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
part
of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
body
.
For example
, there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
training drills in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
gym
such as pull down, dead lift, squats and bench press. All these exercises work on shoulders, upper and lower back, legs and chest
respectively
. These physical
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activities
not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
increase the strength of the muscles in a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
body
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
develop them.
Further
, if the masses go to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
gym
, it enhances the logical
as well
as analytical
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
of the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
it escalates the supply of oxygen and blood to the brain.
For instance
, in a survey, it
was found
that individuals who go to the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
gym
have a more intelligent quotient level as compared to those who do not do it.
Thus
, joining a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
gym
is necessary to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
keep
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
body
fit.

On the contrary
, if
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
depend on everyday
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activities
such as climbing stairs and walking, these
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
work on certain
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parts
of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
body
. To illustrate, while walking and climbing the stairs, there is a movement of the lower
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
part
of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
body
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
hardly any movement of the upper
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
part
.
Therefore
, other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parts
of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
body
do not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
trained.
Besides
, it does not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
any mental health
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
there is no increase in blood supply to the brain by performing such
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activities
.
Hence
, it has a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
little
effect on the body.

To summarize
, according to me, joining a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
gym
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
makes
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
healthy, and daily
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activities
are
also
a type of workout,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
has limited benefits.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Mistakes

IELTS essay If you had an entire month to do whatever you would like to do, what would itbe? Include details and examples to support your explanation. v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
330 words
7
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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