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543 describe a time of the day you likeyou should saywhat time of day it iswhat you do at that timewho you are usually withand explain why you like it v.1

543 describe a time of the day you likeyou should saywhat time of day it iswhat you do at that timewho you are usually withand explain why you like it v. 1
Many people think that youngsters ought to outlay of their spare time with family members; however, there are those suppose that is ineffective. On the one hand, it may appear advisable for parents to act as role models and to establish ground rules to children for behaviour by spending their free time as long as possible with their children. This allows children to absorb conventions and codes of conduct which they can follow themselves and could lead to an absence of problems such as bullying, truancy, and delinquency later on. Moreover, being with family should reduce the risk of children falling victim to crimes such as abduction, or the influence of negative peer pressure. On the other hand, in a society where many families have dual-income parents or where one parent role as breadwinner means she /he is away from family, it is inevitable that children cannot spend all of their spare time with the family for long periods. Child-minding and after-school childcare are often used in these cases. Thereby, if it's managed properly, these can be perfectly viable alternatives for some parents. Equally, it seems that children could learn a considerable amount from peers, and allowing them to play without direct supervision may be a benefit. In conclusion, I am firmly convinced that while family time is essential for bonding and absorbing patterns of behaviour there are definite advantages when children outside of the family too. This is provided that they are in a safe and well-behaved environment with peers who are themselves reasonable brought-up.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Many
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that youngsters ought to outlay of their spare
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
members;
however
, there are those suppose
that is
ineffective.

On the one hand, it may appear advisable for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
to act as role models and to establish ground
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
rules
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
for
Possible spelling mistake. 'behaviour' is British English.
behaviour
by spending their free
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
as long as possible with their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
. This
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
allows
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
to absorb conventions and codes of conduct which they can follow themselves and could lead to an absence of problems such as bullying, truancy, and delinquency later on.
Moreover
, being with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
should
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduce
the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
risk
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
falling victim to crimes such as abduction, or the influence of
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
peer pressure.

On the other hand
, in a society where
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
families
have dual-income
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
or where one
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parent
role as breadwinner means she /he is away from
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
, it is inevitable that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
cannot spend all of their spare
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
with the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
for long periods. Child-minding and after-school childcare are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
in these cases. Thereby, if it's managed
properly
, these can be
perfectly
viable alternatives for
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
.
Equally
, it seems that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
could learn a considerable amount from peers, and allowing them to play without direct supervision may be a benefit.

In conclusion
, I am
firmly
convinced that while
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
is essential for bonding and absorbing patterns of
Possible spelling mistake. 'behaviour' is British English.
behaviour
there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
definite
advantages when
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
This phrase is redundant. Consider using "outside".
outside of
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
too. This
is provided
that they are in a safe and well-behaved environment with peers who are themselves reasonable brought-up.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Mistakes
One language sets you in a corridor for life. Two languages open every door along the way.
Frank Smith

IELTS essay 543 describe a time of the day you likeyou should saywhat time of day it iswhat you do at that timewho you are usually withand explain why you like it v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
256 words
7
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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