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People do many different things to stay healthy. What do you do forgood health? Use specific reasons and examples to support youranswer. v.1

People do many different things to stay healthy. What do you do forgood health? Use specific reasons and examples to support youranswer. v. 1
Advertising is a creative industry and a key part of modern business notwithstanding, some people argue that advertising influences the personal features of a man by standardizing a model that everyone wants to become; thus, there is no difference among individuals in society. I strongly disagree with this statement for some reasons below. Firstly, different person has totally different tastes about one style, trend, or item. Therefore, one fashion trend may be encouraged but in one look, there could be several versions. For example, short hair is a trend in many fashion magazines but still, a woman can choose different styles such as black short hair, red curly one, or straight bob hair. The private characteristics of a person make the same trend specially and individuals choose the suitable style to reflect himself. Secondly, advertisement accesses customer directly so that it brings everyone more choices. Without advertising we would have less choice by lacking information of the products. It is common that every line of a product has its own advertisement to bring it quickly to customers. For one item such as a watch, Casio which is a watch company has several advertisements for G-shock model for sporty people, dedication leather style for ladies and so on. Another example for sport shoes, people can decide which shoes fit them by watching advertisements of Nike, Skechers, New Balance. To sum up, despite there exist some opinions about the identical effect of advertising on personal appearance of a man, I strongly believe that advertising could not make the difference of individuals disappear. In contrast, it brings human more choices and boosts various styles of a man.
Advertising is a creative industry and a key part of modern business notwithstanding,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
argue that advertising influences the personal features of a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
man
by standardizing a model that everyone wants to become;
thus
, there is no difference among individuals in society. I
strongly
disagree with this statement for
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
reasons below.

Firstly
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
person has
totally
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
tastes about one
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
style
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
trend
, or item.
Therefore
, one fashion
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
trend
may
be encouraged
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
in one look, there could be several versions.
For example
, short hair is a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
trend
in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
fashion magazines
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
still
, a woman can choose
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
styles
such as black short hair, red curly one, or straight bob hair. The private characteristics of a person
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
the same
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
trend
specially
and individuals choose the suitable
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
style
to reflect himself.

Secondly
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
advertisement
accesses customer
directly
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
that it brings everyone more choices. Without
The comma is probably missing here: "advertising, we".
advertising we
would have less choice by lacking information of the products. It is common that every line of a product has its
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
advertisement
to bring it
quickly
to customers. For one item such as a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
watch
, Casio which is a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
watch
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
company
has several
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
advertisements
for G-shock model for sporty
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
, dedication leather
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
style
for ladies and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
on. Another example for sport shoes,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
can decide which shoes fit them by watching
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
advertisements
of Nike,
Possible spelling mistake found.
Skechers
, New Balance.

To sum up, despite there exist
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
opinions about the identical effect of advertising on personal appearance of a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
man
, I
strongly
believe that advertising could not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
the difference of individuals disappear.
In contrast
, it brings human more choices and boosts various
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
styles
of a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
man
.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Mistakes

IELTS essay People do many different things to stay healthy. What do you do forgood health? Use specific reasons and examples to support youranswer. v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
274 words
7
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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