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6. If you could make one important change in a school that you attended, what change would you make? Use reasons and specific examples to support your answer. v.1

6. If you could make one important change in a school that you attended, what change would you make? Use reasons and specific examples to support your answer. v. 1
Declaring the type of punishment to the perpetrators is one of the issues that authorities have a variety of ideas about that. Some individuals believe that penalties should be the same for all law-offenders in the certain offence, however, many people think that the situation of criminal activity should be considered for punishing. I completely agree with the give statement with the basis of control of crime rate and upbringing to a better lifestyle. To begin with, the main reason is that the type of penalty is a determining factor of reducing criminal activities. To simply put, providing that reviewers declare definite punishment for every criminal, then under no circumstances is it possible to reduce crimes, because they already introduced every guilty person as a perpetrator. Take an individual that showed aggressive behaviour for the first time as an example; convicting him or her as a law-offender and sending him to imprisonment, as a rule, not only is not more likely to control crime, but it would add a new name to the criminal list. Thus, the more flexibility in penalties for offences, the better control in the amount of them. Having said that, however, decreasing of crime is not the only crucial factor in this respect. Another causative reason is that flexibility in types of punishments is a rewarding factor for superior treating of law-offenders. That is to say, by using different methods to punish the criminals, it tends to be possible to prepare environments that guilty person learns and upbringing their aggressive behaviour. A good illustration for this is clearly shown by employing social punishments such as participate in charitable activities. Therefore, if penalties declare by considering of personality of criminals, they would be oriented to the correct lifestyle. To Conclude, I personally take the view that it is ethically unacceptable to have an equal penalty for certain offence for every criminal. This is mainly because of reducing a number of crime and guide them to a better life.
Declaring the type of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
punishment
to the perpetrators is one of the issues that authorities have a variety of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
ideas
about that.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
individuals believe that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
penalties
should be the same for all law-offenders in the certain
Possible spelling mistake. 'offence' is British English.
offence
,
however
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that the situation of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
criminal
activity should
be considered
for punishing. I completely
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
with the give statement with the basis of control of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
crime
rate and upbringing to a better lifestyle.

To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
with, the main reason is that the type of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
penalty
is a determining factor of reducing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
criminal
activities. To
simply
put, providing that reviewers declare
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
definite
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
punishment
for every
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
criminal
, then under no circumstances is it possible to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduce
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
crimes
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
they already introduced every guilty person as a perpetrator. Take an individual that
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
showed
aggressive
Possible spelling mistake. 'behaviour' is British English.
behaviour
for the
first
time as an example; convicting him or her as a law-offender and sending him to imprisonment, as a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
rule
, not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
is not more likely to control
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
crime
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
it would
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
add
a new name to the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
criminal
list.
Thus
, the more flexibility in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
penalties
for
Possible spelling mistake. 'offences' is British English.
offences
, the better control in the amount of them.

Having said that,
however
, decreasing of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
crime
is not the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
crucial factor in this respect. Another causative reason is that flexibility in types of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
punishments
is a rewarding factor for superior treating of law-offenders.
That is
to say, by using
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
methods to punish the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
criminals
, it tends to be possible to prepare environments that guilty person learns and upbringing their aggressive
Possible spelling mistake. 'behaviour' is British English.
behaviour
. A
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
illustration for this is
clearly
shown by employing social
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
punishments
such as participate in charitable activities.
Therefore
, if
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
penalties
declare by considering of personality of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
criminals
, they would
be oriented
to the correct lifestyle.

To Conclude
, I
personally
take the view that it is
ethically
unacceptable to have an equal
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
penalty
for certain
Possible spelling mistake. 'offence' is British English.
offence
for every
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
criminal
. This is
mainly
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of reducing a number of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
crime
and guide them to a better life.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Mistakes

IELTS essay 6. If you could make one important change in a school that you attended, what change would you make? Use reasons and specific examples to support your answer. v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
331 words
7
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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