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If you could invent something new, what product would you develop? Use specific details to explain why this invention is needed. v.1

If you could invent something new, what product would you develop? Use specific details to explain why this invention is needed. v. 1
Whether or not the increasing use of social networking websites casts a detrimental effect on society and people is debatable. Some people think that there are more pros to it than cons, while others believe otherwise. This essay will discuss why such sites have far more positive effect on an individual and the local communities than the negative. To begin with, owing to the busy lifestyles these days, it has become quite difficult to manage professional, personal and social life all at once by being physically present everywhere. Hence, due to time constraints, it is not easy to meet relatives living miles away. Facebook, for instance, has made it easier for many to connect to friends and relatives by bridging this gap. It has enabled us to be in touch even with those living abroad, despite the time limitations. Moreover, these sites have proven to be advantageous for the local community as well with regards to solving problems that they face. It is because of the access to such sites, that one does not have to wait for the availability of everyone to call for a meeting or invest in arranging special events just to get across the issues that they are facing. Rather, there are separate groups online where such communities can discuss and effectively find solutions regardless of where someone is at that moment, as they can easily get in touch online. To conclude, in light of the points mentioned above, it can rightly be said that these websites play a positive role in keeping the bonds strong amongst people despite the distance and also helps in forming a supportive community.
Consider shortening this phrase to just "Whether". It is correct though if you mean 'regardless of whether'.
Whether or not
the increasing
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
of social networking websites casts a detrimental effect on society and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
If 'people' is plural here, don't use the third-person singular verb.
is
debatable.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that there are more pros to it than cons, while others believe
otherwise
. This essay will discuss why such sites have far more
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
effect on an individual and the local
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
communities
than the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
.

To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
with, owing to the busy lifestyles these days, it has become quite difficult to manage professional, personal and social life all at once by being
physically
present everywhere.
Hence
, due to time constraints, it is not easy to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
meet
relatives living miles away. Facebook,
for instance
, has made it easier for
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
to connect to friends and relatives by bridging this gap. It has enabled us to be in touch even with those living abroad, despite the time limitations.

Moreover
, these sites have proven to be advantageous for the local
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
community
as well
Use "in regard to", "with regard to", or more simply "regarding".
with regards to
solving problems that they face. It is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of the access to such sites, that one does not
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
wait for the availability of everyone to call for a meeting or invest in arranging special
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
events
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
across the issues that they are facing.
Rather
, there are separate groups online where such
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
communities
can discuss and
effectively
find solutions regardless of where someone is at that moment, as they can
easily
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
in touch online.

To conclude
, in light of the points mentioned above, it can
rightly
be said
that these websites play a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
role in keeping the bonds strong amongst
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
despite the distance and
also
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helps
in forming a supportive
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
community
.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Mistakes
A special kind of beauty exists which is born in language, of language, and for language.
Gaston Bachelard

IELTS essay If you could invent something new, what product would you develop? Use specific details to explain why this invention is needed. v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
273 words
7
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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