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If you could invent something, what would you invent? Give specific reasons as to why your invention would be important. v.2

If you could invent something, what would you invent? Give specific reasons as to why your invention would be important. v. 2
These days cancer has become a dangerous threat to the world. Every year more and more people are dying because of cancer. Being a researcher, in the biology field, I will invent an affordable medical diagnosis technology for cancer and its treatment as well. I have several reasons to support my answer which I will explain below. First of all, There are methodologies for diagnosis of cancer but not affordable to everyone. I remember one such incident. I know, a farmer who lives very nearby my house. He got to know that his daughter has skin cancer, she was in the early stage of the disease. She could have to save survived if her father could afford medical treatment. Just because of the high price of medicine and radiation technology, he could not have saved her daughter. When I knew this news my heart gets broken down after feeling the guilt and pain of her father. Then I decided to do the research in the cancer field and invent affordable treatment. Furthermore, I would like to convey that cancer has is now a treatable disease if it identifies in the early stage. However, a problem is the diagnosis before it gets into the later stage. This disease did not give any noticeable symptoms which makes it difficult to identify. I would like to make some genetic tools to fix this problem. Knowing the genetic sequence befoe hand will be good way to know the disease. My attempt here is to make a machine which will take a blood sample from everyone and it will explain the future diseases if anybody could have it. In this people get a huge time to save their life. In conclusion, time is very crucial for the treatment of cancer and affordability as well. Therefore I will do research to discover the affordable and early diagnostic technique and treatment of this disease.
These
days
cancer
has become a
dangerous
threat to the world. Every year more and more
people
are dying
because
of
cancer
. Being a researcher, in the biology field, I will invent an
affordable
medical diagnosis technology for
cancer
and its
treatment
as well
. I have several reasons to support my answer which I will
explain
below.

First of all
, There are methodologies for diagnosis of
cancer
but
not
affordable
to everyone. I remember one such incident. I know, a farmer who
lives
very
nearby my
house
. He
got
to know that his daughter has skin
cancer
, she was in the early stage of the
disease
. She could
have to
save survived if her father could afford medical
treatment
.
Just
because
of the high price of medicine and radiation technology, he could not have saved her daughter. When I knew this news my heart
gets
broken down after feeling the guilt and pain of her father. Then I decided to do the research in the
cancer
field and invent
affordable
treatment.

Furthermore
, I would like to convey that
cancer
has is
now
a treatable
disease
if it identifies in the early stage.
However
, a problem is the diagnosis
before
it
gets
into the later stage. This
disease
did not give any noticeable symptoms which
makes
it difficult to identify. I would like to
make
some
genetic tools to
fix
this problem. Knowing the genetic sequence
befoe
hand will be
good
way to know the
disease
. My attempt here is to
make
a machine which will take a blood sample from everyone and it will
explain
the future
diseases
if anybody could have it. In this
people
get
a huge time to save their
life
.

In conclusion
, time is
very
crucial for the
treatment
of
cancer
and affordability
as well
.
Therefore
I will do research to discover the
affordable
and early diagnostic technique and
treatment
of this
disease
.
8Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
22Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
6Mistakes

IELTS essay If you could invent something, what would you invent? Give specific reasons as to why your invention would be important. v. 2

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
317 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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