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If you could have any job or career you wanted, which would you choose and why? Give specific details to explain your response. v.1

If you could have any job or career you wanted, which would you choose and why? Give specific details to explain your response. v. 1
Nowadays, computers change any aspect of our life positively. Scientists believe that we have to name this generation, the generation of technology revolution. By the way, some people argue that Personal Computers impact on our lifestyle negatively and make it more intricate, However others suggested that Digital Devices help us to do everyday routines conveniently. I strongly agree with the statement that using computers help us to do our task more easily which i am going to address in following paragraphs. Firstly, nowadays with the fast pace of development in the evolution of technology, we cannot ignore how computer acts an important role in human life. To clarify the statement, an example needs to be mentioned, shopping is the most important portion of everyday life, which can be done on the internet by PCs. Online shopping gives an opportunity to search through internet to buy stuff and whatever we want, as soon as possible. Lots of benefits come from shopping by PCs such as finding a low cost product, saving money in some occasions. Secondly, Computers turn to be an essential part of industries which can help them to do their task with high accuracy and high efficiency. It is crystal clear that PCs give the ability to program developers in order to configure Robots and Real time devices to substitute with human in repeated and demanding jobs. For instance, in car industries using robots which programed with PCs, increase the company production rate and raise the accuracy sharply. In conclusion, I insist that the computer makes the universe a better place to live, and reduce so much time, effort and money in providing our family requirements.
Nowadays, computers
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
change
any aspect of our life
positively
. Scientists believe that we
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
name this generation, the generation of technology revolution. By the way,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
argue that Personal Computers impact on our lifestyle
negatively
and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
it more intricate,
However
others suggested that Digital Devices
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
us to do everyday routines
conveniently
. I
strongly
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
with the statement that using computers
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
us to do our task more
easily
which
Is this the personal pronoun "I"? It is spelled uppercase.
i
am going to address in following paragraphs.

Firstly
, nowadays with the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
fast
pace of development in the evolution of technology, we cannot
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
ignore
how computer acts an
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
role in human life. To clarify the statement, an example needs to
be mentioned
, shopping is the most
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
portion of everyday life, which can
be done
on the internet by
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
PCs
. Online shopping gives an opportunity to search through internet to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
buy
stuff and whatever we want, as
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
soon
as possible. Lots of benefits
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
come
from shopping by
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
PCs
such as finding a low cost product, saving money in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
occasions.

Secondly
, Computers turn to be an essential part of industries which can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
them to do their task with high accuracy and high efficiency. It is crystal
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
clear
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
PCs
give the ability to program developers in order to configure Robots and Real time devices to substitute with human in repeated and demanding jobs.
For instance
, in car industries using robots which
Possible spelling mistake. Did you mean "programmed", the past tense form of the verb 'program'?
programed
with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
PCs
, increase the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
company
production rate and raise the accuracy
sharply
.

In conclusion
, I insist that the computer
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
makes
the universe a better place to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
, and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduce
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
much time, effort and money in providing our family requirements.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Mistakes

IELTS essay If you could have any job or career you wanted, which would you choose and why? Give specific details to explain your response. v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
277 words
7
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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