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Some young children participate in a wide variety of extra-curricular activities such as music, sports, or photography. Discuss the advantages and disadvantages of this. v.1

Some young children participate in a wide variety of extra-curricular activities such as music, sports, or photography. Discuss the advantages and disadvantages of this. v. 1
Certain companies require their employees to wear a uniform whenever they are working. While this increases the overhead expenses of a company, this essay believes that it helps to form better relationships between the workers. The main drawback of a company having a uniform for their staff is that it adds a significant extra expense. There is the initial expense of having the uniforms designed and then made for every member of staff, but there are also the ongoing costs of providing uniforms for new hires and replacing items which can no longer be worn due to wear and tear. For example, the retail chain Argos reported an 8% increase in yearly spending as a direct result of introducing a uniform for their store employees. However, this essay argues that uniforms can improve the company brand and this creates an increase in revenue that offsets the extra expenditure. The major benefit of having a uniform is that it allows employees to bond more easily. People tend to make friends with others who they feel are similar to them and when everyone is wearing the same clothes, this breaks down one of the barriers that can restrict people from connecting with others. This is important for businesses as it improves teamwork and productivity. For instance, it is reported by Bloomberg Businessweek that having uniforms is the second most influential method of improving relationships within a company. Furthermore, this essay maintains that strong relationships at work are one of the main contributors to job satisfaction. In conclusion, the primary disadvantage for companies with staff uniforms is the expenses they will incur. However, this essay argues that having a uniform is largely an advantage as it improves the relationships between staff members and this can lead to improved teamwork, productivity and job satisfaction.
Certain
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
companies
require their employees to wear a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
uniform
whenever they are working. While
Did you mean "these"?
this
increases the overhead expenses of a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
company
, this
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
essay
believes that it
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helps
to form better
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
relationships
between the workers.

The main drawback of a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
company
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
having
a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
uniform
for their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
staff
is that it
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
adds
a significant extra
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
expense
. There is the initial
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
expense
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
having
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
uniforms
designed and then made for every member of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
staff
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
there are
also
the ongoing costs of providing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
uniforms
for new hires and replacing items which can no longer
be worn
due to wear and tear.
For example
, the retail chain Argos reported an 8% increase in yearly spending as a direct result of introducing a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
uniform
for their store employees.
However
, this
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
essay
argues that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
uniforms
can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
company
brand and this creates an increase in revenue that offsets the extra expenditure.

The major benefit of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
having
a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
uniform
is that it
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
allows
employees to bond more
easily
.
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
People
tend to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
friends with others who they feel are similar to them and when everyone is wearing the same clothes, this breaks down one of the barriers that can restrict
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
from connecting with others. This is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
for businesses as it
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improves
teamwork and productivity.
For instance
, it
is reported
by Bloomberg
Possible spelling mistake found.
Businessweek
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
having
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
uniforms
is the second most influential method of improving
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
relationships
within a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
company
.
Furthermore
, this
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
essay
maintains that strong
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
relationships
at work are one of the main contributors to job satisfaction.

In conclusion
, the primary disadvantage for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
companies
with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
staff
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
uniforms
is the expenses they will incur.
However
, this
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
essay
argues that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
having
a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
uniform
is
largely
an advantage as it
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improves
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
relationships
between
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
staff
members and this can lead to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improved
teamwork, productivity and job satisfaction.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Mistakes

IELTS essay Some young children participate in a wide variety of extra-curricular activities such as music, sports, or photography. Discuss the advantages and disadvantages of this. v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
300 words
7
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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