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TPO 16-Task: If you could have any job or career you wanted, which would you choose and why? Give specific details to explain your response. v.1

TPO 16-Task: If you could have any job or career you wanted, which would you choose and why? Give specific details to explain your response. v. 1
Skin bleaching businesses have grown in net worth all around the world in recent times for a number of reasons; however, there might be long term effects on their patronisers. These causes and repercussions are discussed further in this essay. To begin with, the skin lightening market has grown because some believe that the process aids an individual to exude beauty beyond the usual; therefore elevating the chances of being a centre of attraction wherever he/she is observed. A classic example is a sex worker who needs an advantage over her colleagues. A skin glow will make her more conspicuous and preferred by a customer. Not only that, these products also thrive as a result of spouse pressure to satisfy a partner who prefers a light skinned person. Such desperate partners are willing to carry out whatever it takes, including bleach of skin, so as to preserve the healthy relationship. However, there are health and societal implications of continued usage of these products. Firstly, they decrease the width of the skin with time, that often result in poor wound healing and scarring after an injury. For instance, a ghastly accident victim (with a bleached skin) may suffer wound breakdown or non-alignment after adequate medical attention. In addition, the society often perceives such persons with artificially whitened skin to be desperate, cunning and deceptive people, because they seek to alter their natural, God-giving nature to be acknowledged by others. To exemplify, if a businessman, who lightens his skin obviously, presents a million dollar proposal to a very moral and profit driven CEO, he may lose the deal to his competitor just as a result of that fact. To recapitulate, although skin whitening may be more nowadays, it has its debilitating effect on the body and the individual's perception by others. The appropriate government agencies should create more awareness about the use of these commodities.
Skin
bleaching businesses have grown in net worth all around the world in recent times for a number of reasons;
however
, there might be long term effects on their
patronisers
. These causes and repercussions
are discussed
further
in this essay.

To
begin
with, the
skin
lightening market has grown
because
some
believe that the process aids an individual to exude beauty beyond the usual;
therefore
elevating the chances of being a
centre
of attraction wherever he/she
is observed
. A classic example is a sex worker who needs an advantage over her colleagues. A
skin
glow will
make
her more conspicuous and preferred by a customer. Not
only
that, these products
also
thrive
as a result
of spouse pressure to satisfy a partner who prefers a light skinned person. Such desperate partners are willing to carry out whatever it takes, including bleach of
skin
,
so as to
preserve the healthy relationship.

However
, there are health and societal implications of continued usage of these products.
Firstly
, they decrease the width of the
skin
with time, that
often
result in poor wound healing and scarring after an injury.
For instance
, a ghastly accident victim (with a bleached
skin)
may suffer wound breakdown or non-alignment after adequate medical attention.
In addition
, the society
often
perceives such persons with
artificially
whitened
skin
to be desperate, cunning and deceptive
people
,
because
they seek to alter their natural, God-giving nature to
be acknowledged
by others. To exemplify, if a businessman, who lightens his
skin
obviously
, presents a million dollar proposal to a
very
moral and profit driven CEO, he may lose the deal to his competitor
just
as a result
of that fact.

To recapitulate, although
skin
whitening may be more nowadays, it has its debilitating effect on the body and the individual's perception by others. The appropriate
government
agencies should create more awareness about the
use
of these commodities.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Mistakes

IELTS essay TPO 16-Task: If you could have any job or career you wanted, which would you choose and why? Give specific details to explain your response. v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
313 words
7
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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