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If you could change one important thing about your country what would you change Use reasons and specific examples to support your answers v.2

If you could change one important thing about your country what would you change Use reasons and specific examples to support your answers v. 2
Many people oppose change, yet that change makes the difference. Like people, many countries need to make appropriate changes in their default system and facilities. Having said that roads are immensely imperative facility in any country and affect day to day business of their citizens and trade & commerce of nation hence it is essential to have smooth roads. If given a chance I would like to change road facility of my country India so that habitat of my nations would not require to go through inconvenient road travel and to reduce road accident frequency. Firstly, Due to poor road condition people have to bear lot of trouble while travelling through the roads despite having luxurious transportation mean. These poor road not only effect traveler but also their expensive vehicles. Also, elderly people worries of back ache when it comes to road travel. For an instance – one of my friends father was travelling to city named khambhat with his mother to attend a wedding. But the roads to the city was in such terrible condition that on every speed break his car’s bumper hits the speed breaker and that was giving hard jolts to aged lady. Due to this jolts she suffered bad back ache and rather than attending wedding they had to rush to see doctor first. Adding to that this, trip cost them thousands of rupee for car’s bumper repair, doctor visit and wedding expense. Roads and luxuries cars are for humans comfort and not for tolerating uncomfortable tours to invite more expense therefore my country desperately need to upgrades its road facility. Secondly, Out of 10 accident, 6 are happening due to poor road condition. In this scenario, citizen are having valid papers for cars but not appropriate and secure roads to drive their vehicles. Specifically in Northern Indian, people have to ignore driving because of low visibility due to winter mist. Adding to that, snow spoil the road condition and no provision are made to remove the snow on time to facilitate smooth travel for travelers. These factor contribute in accelerating the numbers of accidents happening due to poor roads as people have to drive on this road out of the choice to commute form one place to another. For an instance – Two years back people travelling to pilgrim named Pashupatinath had to suffered life threatening situation in winter and no help was provided to people for 2 days because of pitiable condition of roads. Also no roads transportation was possible as roads was damaged due to landslide. Nothing is more important than the life of any living being and government must take the responsibility that people of their country should not suffer life lose due to unreliable roads. Luxurious means of transportation is of no use if basic necessity like roads are not in appropriate situation to use. Indian government must set budget to construct quality roads to improve transportation, trade and commerce, most importantly to save their citizens life and improve their living style.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
oppose
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
change
,
yet
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
change
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
makes
the difference. Like
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
need to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
appropriate
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
changes
in their default system and facilities. Having said that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
roads
are
immensely
imperative facility in any
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
and affect day to day business of their citizens and trade
Possible spelling mistake found.
&amp
; commerce of nation
hence
it is essential to have smooth
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
roads
. If
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
a chance I would like to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
change
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
road
facility of my
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
India
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
that habitat of my nations would not require
Did you mean "going"? Or maybe you should add a pronoun? In active voice, 'require' + 'to' takes an object, usually a pronoun.
to go
through inconvenient
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
road
travel and to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduce
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
road
accident frequency.

Firstly
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Due
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
poor
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
road
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
condition
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
bear
It seems that an article is missing.
lot of
trouble while travelling through the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
roads
despite having luxurious
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
transportation
mean. These
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
poor
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
road
not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
Did you mean "affect"?
effect
traveler
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
their expensive vehicles.
Also
, elderly
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
If 'people' is plural here, don't use the third-person singular verb.
worries
of back ache when it
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
comes
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
road
travel. For an instance
Consider using an m-dash if you do not want to join two words.
–
one of my friends father was travelling to city named
Possible spelling mistake found.
khambhat
with his mother to attend a wedding.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
But
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
roads
to the city was in such terrible
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
condition
that on every speed break his
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
car’s
bumper hits the speed breaker and that was giving
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
hard
jolts to aged lady.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Due
to
Did you mean "these"?
this
jolts she suffered
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
bad
back ache and
rather
than attending wedding they had to rush to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
see
doctor
first
. Adding to that this, trip cost them thousands of rupee for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
car’s
bumper repair, doctor visit and wedding expense.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Roads
and luxuries
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cars
are for humans comfort and not for tolerating uncomfortable tours to invite more expense
therefore
my
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
desperately
need to
The verb after "to" should be in the base form: "upgrade".
upgrades
its
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
road
facility.

Secondly
, Out of 10 accident, 6 are happening
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
due
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
poor
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
road
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
condition
. In this scenario, citizen are having valid papers for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cars
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
not appropriate and secure
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
roads
to drive their vehicles.
Specifically
in Northern Indian,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
ignore
driving
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of low visibility
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
due
to winter mist. Adding to that, snow spoil the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
road
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
condition
and no provision
are made
to remove the snow on time to facilitate smooth travel for travelers. These factor contribute in accelerating the numbers of accidents happening
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
due
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
poor
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
roads
as
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
drive on this
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
road
out of the choice to commute form one place to another. For an instance
Consider using an m-dash if you do not want to join two words.
–
Two years back
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
travelling to pilgrim named
Possible spelling mistake found.
Pashupatinath
had to suffered
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
threatening situation in winter and no
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
was provided
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
for 2 days
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of pitiable
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
condition
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
roads
.
Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
Also
no
Apostrophe might be missing. Did you mean "roads'" or "road's"?
roads
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
transportation
was possible as
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
roads
was damaged
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
due
to landslide. Nothing is more
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
than the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
of any living being and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
take the responsibility that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
of their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
should not suffer
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
lose
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
due
to unreliable roads.

Luxurious means of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
transportation
is of no
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
if basic necessity like
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
roads
are not in appropriate situation to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
. Indian
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
set budget to construct quality
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
roads
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
transportation
, trade and commerce, most
importantly
to save their citizens
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
their living style.
13Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
68Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
13Mistakes

IELTS essay If you could change one important thing about your country what would you change Use reasons and specific examples to support your answers v. 2

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
502 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 5.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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