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If the school received a barrel of money, what do you wish it will be spent on? A sports gym or a laboratory? v.1

If the school received a barrel of money, what do you wish it will be spent on? A sports gym or a laboratory? v. 1
Some people argue that the best way to have a successful career is to complete tertiary education, while others argue that it is better to work after finishing high school. Although working after school helps you to save money for the future, I believe that graduates can earn better as they grow at work. On the one hand, working after completing school helps people to save money for their future reuiremnts. That is to say, people are capable of performimg basic skills and they can save money to fulfil their futuristic goals. As a result, they become more experienced and perform better. For instance, recent research revealed that many children take a break in their education so that they save money to study later in life. However, I believe that only a few children can pursue higher education because they do not want to quit working. On the other hand, completing college-level education is considered as an enroute to an established career because companies pay exorbitantly who have completed their graduation or post-graduation. In other words, they have demonstrated that they have the knowledge and are capable of performing skills which the job demands. Thus, after performing well people are promoted to the next level to ensure they have an established career path for them. To illustrate, a recent survey by the Times of India revealed that 65% of people had a successful career when they completed their graduation as compared to people who worked after completing basic school education. I believe this school of thought is preferable to me because people get content when they are successful. In conclusion, although working straight after completing high school has merits as people can save a large amount of money for their future, completing graduation helps to have an established career as people can earn more money as they grow at the workplace.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
argue that the best way to have a successful
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
career
is to complete tertiary
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
, while others argue that it is better to work after finishing high
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
. Although working after
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helps
you to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
save
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
for the future, I believe that graduates can earn better as they grow at work.

On the one hand, working after
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
completing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helps
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
save
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
for their future
Possible spelling mistake found.
reuiremnts
.
That is
to say,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are capable of
Possible spelling mistake found.
performimg
basic
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
skills and
they can
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
save
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
to fulfil their futuristic goals.
As a result
, they become more experienced and perform better.
For instance
, recent research revealed that
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
children take a break in their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
that they
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
save
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
to study later in life.
However
, I believe that
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
a few children can pursue higher
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
they do not want to quit working.

On the other hand
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
completing
college-level
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
is considered
as an
Possible spelling mistake found.
enroute
to an established
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
career
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
companies
pay
exorbitantly
who have completed their graduation or post-graduation.
In other words
, they have demonstrated that they have the knowledge and are capable of performing
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
which the job demands.
Thus
, after performing well
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are promoted
to the
next
level to ensure they have an established
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
career
path for them. To illustrate, a recent survey by
If the term is a proper noun, use the suggested capitalization.
the Times of India
revealed that 65% of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
had a successful
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
career
when they completed their graduation as compared to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
who worked after
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
completing
basic
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
. I believe this
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
thought
is preferable to me
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
content when they are successful.

In conclusion
, although working straight after
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
completing
high
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
has merits as
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
can
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
save
a large amount of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
for their future,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
completing
graduation
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helps
to have an established
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
career
as
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
can earn more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
as they grow at the workplace.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Mistakes

IELTS essay If the school received a barrel of money, what do you wish it will be spent on? A sports gym or a laboratory? v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
311 words
7
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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