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Do you think computers are important tools for students to use? Why? Give details and examples in your response. v.1

Do you think computers are important tools for students to use? Why? Give details and examples in your response. v. 1
In the last century the population has grown very fast and it is still growing. Now in the near future the world is going to be saddled with the responsibility of feeding and taking care of this population. Overpopulation is a growing threat and the governments needs to look critically into ways of reducing this growing problem. Firstly, it is very important to look at the smallest unit of the society which is the family. All policies to reduced overpopulation should be targeted at this unit. The debate should include a logical projection on how families should be limited to the number of children they should have. Then these family units should be educated on policies used by government, such as family planning, family birth rate, women’s role in family to curb overpopulation. Secondly, a lot of cultural myth and belief surrounds having children all over the world. In fact, some of these beliefs have resulted in the steep in population these past years. For example, some cultures believe the number of children a man has determines how wealthy or powerful he is. People with this type of cultural beliefs will need proper orientation and awareness to understand the detriments of such beliefs. In conclusion, all over the world, there are a lot of policies now been in place in many countries trying to address the problem of overpopulation, but in my own view, special attention must be given to the family, creating awareness, orientation and education must be given high priority.
In the last century the population has grown
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
fast
and it is
still
growing.
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Now
in the near future the world is going to
be saddled
with the responsibility of feeding and taking care of this population. Overpopulation is a growing threat and the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
governments
needs to look
critically
into ways of reducing this growing problem.

Firstly
, it is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
to look at the smallest unit of the society which is the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
. All policies to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduced
overpopulation should
be targeted
at this unit. The debate should include a logical projection on how
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
families
should
be limited
to the number of children they should have. Then these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
units should
be educated
on policies
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
by
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
, such as
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
planning,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
birth rate, women’s role in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
to curb overpopulation.

Secondly
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
cultural myth and belief surrounds having children all over the world. In fact,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
of these beliefs have resulted in the steep in population these past years.
For example
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
cultures believe the number of children a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
man
has determines how wealthy or powerful he is.
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
People
with this type of cultural beliefs will need proper orientation and awareness to understand the detriments of such beliefs.

In conclusion
, all over the world, there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
policies
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
now
been in place in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
countries trying to address the problem of overpopulation,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
in my
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
view, special attention
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
to the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
, creating awareness, orientation and education
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
high priority.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Mistakes

IELTS essay Do you think computers are important tools for students to use? Why? Give details and examples in your response. v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
252 words
7
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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