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If the government wants to invest in the following areas, what do u think is the most worthwhile? - education; - health care; - land exploration. v.1

If the government wants to invest in the following areas, what do u think is the most worthwhile? - education; - health care; - land exploration. v. 1
It is argued by many that the closing of small local business will cause the demise of the communities because of the rapid growth of the malls and the inability of the small businesses to compete. I personally believe that, it is a negative development because termination of local shops will bring about an end of the local communities, and I am going to explain it in the upcoming paragraphs. To begin with, a good reason why it is a pessimistic growth, because there are many people who are not able to afford the prices offered by the super-centres and the mall, so they prefer to buy their stuff from the regional shops. For instance, half of the big stores in Lagos state selling the items are a bit more expensive than regular prices, because they want to get back the money to pay the rents. Thus, some locals are not able to buy these goods because of the high prices. Another point to consider is that, most of the shopping centres are situated away from the rural areas, and not all the residents have their own vehicles to go to the big plazas. This means the population residing in the small towns cannot travel long distance just for small quantity shopping. To exemplify this, more than half of the people live in the rural areas of Ghana prefer to buy all the necessary stuff from the local markets instead of travelling to the big shopping complexes in the city. As a result, people believe that small markets are enough to meet their needs, so they have decided to shop from the local shops, instead of going to the malls. To sum up, the closure of small business will signal the end of the local communities because of the high cost of such items from the such plazas and the far distances created by the building of such large shopping centres.
It
is argued
by
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
that the closing of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
small
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
local
business will cause the demise of the communities
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of the rapid growth of the malls and the inability of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
small
businesses to compete. I
personally
believe that, it is a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
development
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
termination of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
local
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shops
will bring about an
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
end
of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
local
communities, and I am going to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
explain
it in the upcoming paragraphs.

To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
with, a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
reason why it is a pessimistic growth,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
who are not able to afford the prices offered by the
Possible spelling mistake found.
super-centres
and the mall,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
they prefer to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
buy
their stuff from the regional
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shops
.
For instance
, half of the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
big
stores in Lagos state selling the items are a bit more expensive than regular prices,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
they want to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
back the money to pay the rents.
Thus
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
locals
are not able to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
buy
these
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
goods
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of the high prices.

Another point to consider is that, most of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shopping
Possible spelling mistake. 'centres' is British English.
centres
are situated
away from the rural areas, and not all the residents have their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
vehicles to go to the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
big
plazas. This means the population residing in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
small
towns cannot travel long distance
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
small
quantity
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shopping
. To exemplify this, more than half of the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
in the rural areas of Ghana prefer to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
buy
all the necessary stuff from the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
local
markets
instead
of travelling to the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
big
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shopping
complexes in the city.
As a result
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
believe that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
small
markets are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
enough
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
meet
their needs,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
they have decided to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shop
from the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
local
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shops
,
instead
of going to the malls.

To sum up, the closure of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
small
business will signal the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
end
of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
local
communities
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of the high cost of such items from the such plazas and the far distances created by the building of such large
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shopping
Possible spelling mistake. 'centres' is British English.
centres
.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Mistakes

IELTS essay If the government wants to invest in the following areas, what do u think is the most worthwhile? - education; - health care; - land exploration. v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
321 words
7
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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