Do you want to improve your writing? Try our new evaluation service and get detailed feedback.
Check Your Text it's free

If the government wants to invest in the following three area, what do you think is the most worthwhile? 1-Land exploration2-Education3-Health care v.1

If the government wants to invest in the following three area, what do you think is the most worthwhile? 1-Land exploration2-Education3-Health care v. 1
People's opinion differs as to whether or not school children should deal with a certain amount of homework after school. While there are some intense arguments against the fact of assigning homework, I firmly believe that it is an essential aspect of education. On the one hand, there are a vast number of reasons why people would argue that homework is considered an unnecessary burden upon children. Many parents would agree that school hours have already been extended and stressful enough, which generates their children too tired to do any further studying when they return home. Besides, life is not just about focusing on studying. The children would also need time to entertain after a long day at school by taking part in some recreational activities such as going in for sports, enjoying outdoor activities with friends, or simply just spending quality time with family because for children, spending time attending physical activities plays a vital role in perspective of brain development. On the other hand, I would argue that being assigned homework could bring enormous benefits to the schooling of children. Firstly, it is undeniable that the act of doing homework is one of the best ways to revise the lessons because in order to actually accomplish their assignments, they will have to apply the theoretical knowledge they have learned in their class and put them into practice. Thus, by doing so, it would enhance their independent studying habits and problem-solving skills as they have to complete tasks alone at their own pace. These habits and skills would eventually play an essential part in their work as adults afterward. In conclusion, homework certainly has its drawbacks, but I believe that practice homework regularly will help learners acquire knowledge in the long term.
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
People
's opinion differs
Wordiness: Consider shortening this phrase.
as to whether or not
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
should deal with a certain amount of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
homework
after
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
. While there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
intense arguments against the fact of assigning
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
homework
, I
firmly
believe that it is an essential aspect of education.

On the one hand, there are a vast number of reasons why
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
would argue that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
homework
is considered
an unnecessary burden upon
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Many
parents would
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
hours have already
been extended
and stressful
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
enough
, which generates their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
too tired to do any
further
studying when they return home.
Besides
, life is not
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
about focusing on studying. The
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
would
also
need time to entertain after a long day at
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
by taking part in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
recreational activities such as going in for sports, enjoying outdoor activities with friends, or
simply
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
spending quality time with family
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
, spending time attending physical activities plays a vital role in perspective of brain development.

On the other hand
, I would argue that
being assigned
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
homework
could bring enormous benefits to the schooling of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
.
Firstly
, it is undeniable that the act of doing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
homework
is one of the best ways to revise the lessons
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
in order to actually accomplish their assignments, they will
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
apply the theoretical knowledge they have learned in their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
class
and put them into practice.
Thus
, by doing
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
, it would enhance their independent studying habits and problem-solving
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
as they
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
complete tasks alone at their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
pace. These habits and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
would
eventually
play an essential part in their work as adults afterward.

In conclusion
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
homework
certainly
has its drawbacks,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
I believe that practice
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
homework
regularly
will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
learners acquire knowledge in the long term.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Mistakes

IELTS essay If the government wants to invest in the following three area, what do you think is the most worthwhile? 1-Land exploration2-Education3-Health care v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
293 words
7
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
Similar posts


Recent posts