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If the government wants to invest in the following three area, what do you think is the most worthwhile? 1-Land exploration2-Education3-Health care v.2

If the government wants to invest in the following three area, what do you think is the most worthwhile? 1-Land exploration2-Education3-Health care v. 2
Policies, governments adopt to assign financial credit to different parts of infrastructures, vary from country to country. In this regard, three major parts that may require investing money in the most are education, health care, and land exploration. While education and land exploration have been receiving enough attention in the past few decades, improving the healthcare system has been an ongoing issue recently insomuch as the plan political parties provide in presidency elections plays a crucial role in the result of the election. I personally subscribe to the view that it is more beneficial to allocate finance to health care. I cling to this standpoint for two main reasons, which I will elucidate in the following essay. To begin with, an undeniable fact is financial issues are barriers for many people to receive an effective treatment. In this situation, governments can alleviate the situation by investing money, developing some strategies in order that the medical expenses may be affordable for a higher percentage of people. For instance, changing the health insurance policies so that it can cover the greater part of medical expenses. Another example is to consider exceptional policies for people, who suffer from diseases that demand so much finance such as cancers that the patient need to do chemotherapy and buy medicine at a high price. Thus, designing and developing some plans to improve healthcare system demand so much investment, and the government should place a premium on it. The second reason that deserves some words is that in the modern era, despite the spectacular progress in medical science, there are still some diseases and infectious that threaten people’s lives and require wide investigations, experiments to discover the right cure. For instance, MS, which has become very popular especially among women in the past few years, stems from some intellectual problems and causes people unable to move in the end. The point is scientists have not discovered any cure for this disease yet. Thus, if the government spend more money in the field of not cured diseases and infectious, many people can live a healthier life. After all, the healthier lives people enjoy, the happier country we will have. To put all into a nutshell, considering all the aforementioned reasons, I firmly support the idea of allocating money to health care since not only does it make it affordable for many people to get effective treatment, but it also results in discover cures for some dangerous disease that threaten many people’s lives.
Policies,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
governments
Did you mean "adapt to"?
adopt to
assign financial credit to
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
parts of infrastructures, vary from country to country. In this regard, three major parts that may require investing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
in the most are education,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
care, and land exploration. While education and land exploration have been receiving
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
enough
attention in the past few decades, improving the healthcare system has been an ongoing issue recently insomuch as the plan political parties provide in presidency elections plays a crucial role in the result of the election. I
personally
subscribe to the view that it is more beneficial to allocate finance to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
care. I cling to this standpoint for two main reasons, which I will elucidate in the following essay.

To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
with, an undeniable fact is financial issues are barriers for
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to receive an effective treatment. In this situation,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
governments
can alleviate the situation by investing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
, developing
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
strategies in order that the medical expenses may be affordable for a higher percentage of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
.
For instance
, changing the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
insurance policies
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
that it can cover the greater part of medical expenses. Another example is to consider exceptional policies for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
, who suffer from
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
diseases
that demand
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
much finance such as cancers that the patient need to do chemotherapy and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
buy
medicine at a high price.
Thus
, designing and developing
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
plans to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
healthcare system demand
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
much investment, and the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
should place a premium on it.

The second reason that deserves
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
words is that in the modern era, despite the spectacular progress in medical science, there are
still
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
diseases
and infectious that threaten
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people’s
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
lives
and require wide investigations, experiments to discover the right cure.
For instance
, MS, which has become
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
popular
especially
among women in the past few years, stems from
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
intellectual problems and causes
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
unable to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
move
in the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
end
. The point is scientists have not discovered any cure for this
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
disease
yet
.
Thus
, if the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
spend more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
in the field of not cured
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
diseases
and infectious,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
can
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
live
a healthier life.
After all
, the healthier
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
lives
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
enjoy, the happier country we will have.

To put all into a nutshell, considering all the aforementioned reasons, I
firmly
support the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
idea
of allocating
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
care since not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
does it
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
it affordable for
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
effective treatment,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
it
also
results in discover cures for
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
dangerous
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
disease
that threaten
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people’s
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
lives
.
11Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
30Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
1Mistakes

IELTS essay If the government wants to invest in the following three area, what do you think is the most worthwhile? 1-Land exploration2-Education3-Health care v. 2

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
414 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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