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If racism and xenophobia are attitude that we are taught not born with then the problems that come from them can be resolved Discuss this view and give your own opinion v.2

If racism and xenophobia are attitude that we are taught not born with then the problems that come from them can be resolved Discuss this view and give your own opinion v. 2
Racism and xenophobia is a moot issue and still whole world facing this problem often. In this globalisation there are many people who taught their children about religion and lopsided. So according to this essay I would discuss my aspects and Will give my opinion in the end of this essay. To set the ball rolling, racism and xenophobia is a social disease and it is flourishing day-by-day. Well, when a child take birth he/she not born with the idea of racism. The whole thing taught to him/her by their family members or society. Once a thought enter in his mind it became quite difficult to remove out and proliferate widely. Countryside people, for instance, in small area are not well qualified and thinking is also not huge. Yet they teach them caste discrimination sometimes which converts into riot. Although, technology has changed the nation a in all means but still in some regions the white skin people live who hate the black person and always shows them downside. So, this type of attitude merely taught by parents or society not with birth, instead of this attitude, if parents teach them good behaviour that will be good for individuals as well as for off-spring. For illustration, difference between poor and elite people is the most suitable example of this xenophobia. Still Many person hate the poor people. Wrapping up, to mitigate the racism is a hurricane task, however, if parents teach their child from their childhood so it might be under control because according to my opinion parents are the first teachers of their children and they can teach well as compared to school teachers and society.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Racism
and xenophobia is a moot issue and
still
whole world facing this problem
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
. In this
Possible spelling mistake. 'globalisation' is British English.
globalisation
there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
who taught their children about religion and lopsided.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
according to this essay I would discuss my aspects and Will give my opinion in the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
end
of this essay.

To set the ball rolling,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
racism
and xenophobia is a social disease and it is flourishing day-by-day.

Well, when a child take birth he/
It seems that a verb is missing after "she". Please verify.
she
not born with the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
idea
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
racism
. The whole thing taught to him/her by their family members or society. Once a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
thought
enter in his mind it became quite difficult to remove out and proliferate
widely
. Countryside
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
,
for instance
, in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
small
area are not well qualified and thinking is
also
not huge.
Yet
they
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
teach
them caste discrimination
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
sometimes
which converts into riot.

Although, technology has
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
changed
the nation
Use "an" instead of 'a' if the following word starts with a vowel sound, e.g. 'an article', 'an hour'
a
in all means
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
still
in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
regions the white skin
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
who hate the black person and always
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
shows
them downside.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
, this type of attitude
merely
taught by
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
or society not with birth,
instead
of this attitude, if
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
teach
them
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
Possible spelling mistake. 'behaviour' is British English.
behaviour
that will be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
for individuals
as well
as for off-spring. For illustration, difference between poor and elite
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
If 'people' is plural here, don't use the third-person singular verb.
is
the most suitable example of this xenophobia.
Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
Still
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Many
person hate the poor
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
.

Wrapping up, to mitigate the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
racism
is a hurricane task,
however
, if
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
teach
their child from their childhood
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
it might be under control
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
according to my opinion
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
are the
first
teachers of their
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
children and
they can
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
teach
well as compared to school teachers and society.
10Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
16Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Mistakes
Language is not a genetic gift, it is a social gift. Learning a new language is becoming a member of the club – the community of speakers of that language.
Frank Smith

IELTS essay If racism and xenophobia are attitude that we are taught not born with then the problems that come from them can be resolved Discuss this view and give your own opinion v. 2

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
277 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 5.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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