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As more and more people move from one country to another, levels of racism have grown. Is it the responsibility of governments to tackle racism and, if it is, what should they do? v.1

As more and more people move from one country to another, levels of racism have grown. Is it the responsibility of governments to tackle racism and, if it is, what should they do? v. 1
Some parents believe that their children should focus on reading serious educational books instead of other entertaining books. I completely disagree with this view because it will result in children losing interest in reading. Children will probably lose interest in reading books if parents require them to only read those books which are of educational value. That is because most of that kind of books are boring. They are full of sophisticated figures and complex concepts. Children may spend most of their time figuring out the complex equations and reciting essays. Gradually they will feel stressed if their brains keep learning various difficult concepts and struggling with remembering them. In the end this may result in their giving up reading and learning new things. In my opinion, I do not think reading entertainments books is wasting time. By contrast, reading interesting books can encourage them to read more books. Children can find pleasure from reading those books which can help them relax. For example, picture books can inspire their imagination; some fun science books can improve their creativity. Those books can open a door to another world for them and encourage them to enjoy their lives. Moreover, if they are interested in some topics, they may read more related books to expand their knowledge and gain more experience. This is also a learning process and not a waste of time. In conclusion, I believe that reading a wide range of books can help children contact a more colourful world and grow up to be a well-developed person.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
parents believe that their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
should focus on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
reading
serious educational
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
books
instead
of other entertaining
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
books
. I completely disagree with this view
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
it will result in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
losing interest in reading.

Children will
probably
lose interest in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
reading
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
books
if parents require them to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
read those
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
books
which are of educational value.
That is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
most of that kind of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
books
are boring. They are full of sophisticated figures and complex concepts.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Children
may spend most of their time figuring out the complex equations and reciting essays.
Gradually
they will feel
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stressed
if their brains
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
keep
learning various difficult concepts and struggling with remembering them. In the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
end
this may result in their giving up
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
reading
and learning new things.

In my opinion, I do not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
reading
entertainments
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
books
is wasting time. By contrast,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
reading
interesting
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
books
can encourage them to read more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
books
.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Children
can find pleasure from
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
reading
those
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
books
which can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
them relax.
For example
, picture
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
books
can inspire their imagination;
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
fun science
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
books
can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
their creativity. Those
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
books
can open a door to another world for them and encourage them to enjoy their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
.
Moreover
, if they
are interested
in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
topics, they may read more related
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
books
to expand their knowledge and gain more experience. This is
also
a learning process and not a waste of time.

In conclusion
, I believe that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
reading
a wide range of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
books
can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
contact a more
Possible spelling mistake. 'colourful' is British English.
colourful
world and grow up to be a well-developed person.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Mistakes

IELTS essay As more and more people move from one country to another, levels of racism have grown. Is it the responsibility of governments to tackle racism and, if it is, what should they do? v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
257 words
7
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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