Do you want to improve your writing? Try our new evaluation service and get detailed feedback.
Check Your Text it's free

As more and more people move from one country to another, levels of racism have grown. Is it the responsibility of governments to tackle racism and, if it is, what should they do? v.2

As more and more people move from one country to another, levels of racism have grown. Is it the responsibility of governments to tackle racism and, if it is, what should they do? v. 2
Racist attitudes and behaviour have probably been with us since the earliest interactions of humans from different ethnic backgrounds. Some psychologists believe that racism is a way of defining our social group as different from others. However, even though it may be partly understandable, those in power should take steps to ensure that nobody is treated differently because of their ethnicity or race. Our political leaders are uniquely placed to intervene. The first area which governments need to target is education. All youngsters- from pre-school infants attending nurseries to undergraduates at institutions of higher education- should be taught to identify, challenge and oppose racial prejudice and aggression wherever they see it. Youngsters need to learn how it feels to be racially abused and they must be given the opportunity to embrace difference and diversity rather than feeling threatened by it. The Minister of Education can ensure that this happens. In conjunction with this approach, the powers-that-be must confront the media. Websites, newspapers and TV programmes sometimes contain racist stereotypes and negative images of those from ethnic minorities or individuals with different skin colour. Politicians should appoint knowledgeable specialists to monitor and check media outlets. Those in charge of the press and TV channels need to be made aware that racist opinions or images will not be tolerated. The third and final part of a national strategy should be related to law-enforcement. Stronger legislation should be brought in to punish anyone guilty of racist abuse or violence. All members of the public should realise that we live in a society where this kind of behaviour is unacceptable and will lead to a custodial sentence. Of course, individuals have a role in stamping out racism. We must stand up to racists. However, political leaders have by far the greatest power to rid our society of this hateful and vile abuse.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Racist
attitudes and
Possible spelling mistake. 'behaviour' is British English.
behaviour
have
probably
been with us since the earliest interactions of humans from
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
ethnic backgrounds.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
psychologists believe that racism is a way of defining our social group as
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
from others.
However
,
even though
it may be partly understandable, those in power should take steps to ensure that nobody
is treated
differently
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of their ethnicity or race. Our political leaders are
uniquely
placed to intervene.

The
first
area which
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
governments
need to target is education. All youngsters- from
Possible spelling mistake found.
pre-school
infants attending nurseries to undergraduates at institutions of higher education- should
be taught
to identify, challenge and oppose racial prejudice and aggression wherever they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
see
it. Youngsters need to learn how it feels to be
racially
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
abused and
they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
the opportunity to embrace difference and diversity
rather
than feeling threatened by it. The Minister of Education can ensure that this happens.

In conjunction with this approach, the powers-that-be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
confront the media. Websites, newspapers and TV
Possible spelling mistake. 'programmes' is British English.
programmes
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
sometimes
contain
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
racist
stereotypes and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
images of those from ethnic minorities or individuals with
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
skin
Possible spelling mistake. 'colour' is British English.
colour
. Politicians should appoint knowledgeable specialists to monitor and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
check
media outlets. Those in charge of the press and TV channels need to
be made
aware that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
racist
opinions or images will not
be tolerated
.

The third and final part of a national strategy should
be related
to law-enforcement. Stronger legislation should
be brought
in to punish anyone guilty of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
racist
abuse or violence. All members of the public should
Possible spelling mistake. 'realise' is British English.
realise
that we
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
in a society where this kind of
Possible spelling mistake. 'behaviour' is British English.
behaviour
is unacceptable and will lead to a custodial sentence.

Of course
, individuals have a role in stamping out racism. We
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
stand up to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
racists
.
However
, political leaders have by far the greatest power to rid our society of this hateful and vile abuse.
6Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Mistakes
With languages, you are at home anywhere.
Edward De Waal

IELTS essay As more and more people move from one country to another, levels of racism have grown. Is it the responsibility of governments to tackle racism and, if it is, what should they do? v. 2

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
308 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
Similar posts


Recent posts