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If a person to whom you know wants to move to your city. What you think that what will be his liking and disliking. v.2

If a person to whom you know wants to move to your city. What you think that what will be his liking and disliking. v. 2
The new place is always confusing for anybody. A person is always curious to know about the new place. If a person whom I know is planning to move to my city, I think that it would be a great experience for him. I would like to tell him some special features of my city. There will be many things are new to him. Some features will be favorable for him and some will be unfavorable. I will explain more in the following essay. First of all, my city is a very big city. He will get many opportunities here. Additionally, he can easily find a new job since many industrial areas and many companies in the town. Besides these, he can easily access to anywhere with the help of the fastest public transportation like metro trains, fastest bus service, and other transportation. Since he is fond of eating varieties of foods, he can easily access many restaurants, malls, cafeterias, street food. He will find any type of food in the town. Furthermore, he has a great internet connection in every corner of the city. Therefore, I think that these things will be beneficial for him and he will like this. Moreover, since this is a big city, it is very noisy and overcrowded. Sometimes traffic is very terrible in office hours. He will not like the overcrowded areas. Furthermore, apartments are very costly in the city area if he wants to live in the city center. There are strict traffic rules here. If anybody crosses the rules, he has to pay fine. So, he has to be careful while driving. Hence, there are fewer disadvantages than advantages. In some areas, the roads are very terrible, and without street lights. It is very difficult to drive in on those areas at night. In the nutshell, there are many merits for him. So he will probably like the best features of the city. There are also downsides, he will not appreciate it.
The
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
new
place is always confusing for anybody. A person is always curious to know about the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
new
place. If a person whom I know is planning to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
move
to my city, I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that it would be a great experience for him. I would like to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
tell
him
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
special features of my city. There will be
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
things are
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
new
to him.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
features will be favorable for him and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
will be unfavorable. I will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
explain
more in the following essay.

This phrase is redundant. Consider using "first".
First of all
, my city is a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
big
city. He will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
opportunities here.
Additionally
, he can
easily
find a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
new
job since
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
industrial
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
areas
and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
companies
in the town.
Besides
these, he can
easily
access to anywhere with the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
of the fastest public transportation like metro trains,
A determiner is probably missing here: "the fastest".
fastest
bus service, and other transportation. Since he is fond of eating varieties of foods, he can
easily
access
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
restaurants, malls, cafeterias, street food. He will find any type of food in the town.
Furthermore
, he has a great internet connection in every corner of the city.
Therefore
, I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that these things will be beneficial for
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
him and
he will like this.

Moreover
, since this is a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
big
city, it is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
noisy and overcrowded.
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Sometimes
traffic is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
terrible in office hours. He will not like the overcrowded
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
areas
.
Furthermore
, apartments are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
costly in the city
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
area
if he wants to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
in the city center. There are strict traffic
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
rules
here. If anybody crosses the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
rules
, he
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
has to
pay fine.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
, he
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
has to
be careful while driving.
Hence
, there are fewer disadvantages than advantages. In
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
areas
, the roads are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
terrible, and without street lights. It is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
difficult to drive in on those
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
areas
at night.

In the nutshell, there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
merits for him.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
he will
probably
like the best features of the city. There are
also
downsides, he will not appreciate it.
10Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
9Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
3Mistakes

IELTS essay If a person to whom you know wants to move to your city. What you think that what will be his liking and disliking. v. 2

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
331 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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