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A person you know is planning to move to your town or city. What do you think this person would like and dislike about living in your town or city? Why? Use specific reasons and details to develop your essay. v.2

A person you know is planning to move to your town or city. What do you think this person would like and dislike about living in your town or city? Why? Use specific reasons and details to develop your essay. v. 2
It's a controversial topic whether we should spend our free time doing something useful or not. While it's believed by some people that we should do something in our free time to enhance our mental abilities, others think we should just let our brain relax. The Essay will discuss why improving the mind when we have some time when we have nothing to do is useful, but why it might be more necessary to just let our minds take a break. In fact, doing some activities such as reading and doing word puzzles is really beneficial. Moreover, it supplies our brains with information and skills that we can use later. Because our mind needs to be clear in order to improve and that could be achieved not when we have so much to do, but when we have nothing to do. For instance, children in Japan spend their study breaks playing intellectual games, such as puzzles or checking a scientific book. Therefore, it's really important to work on our brains in order to perform better during our breaks. On the contrary, the nervous system needs to rest exactly as any other organ. Furthermore, it might not be able to work efficiently unless we stop using it for at least five minutes per day. For example a research showed that overthinking could lead to fatigue or even some serious mental disorders, such as schizophrenia and major depressive disorder. It is for these reasons, it's also essential to play some yoga or other activities that help to clear and relax such a precious organ. In conclusion, a balance should be considered between trying to develop our mental potential and giving our central nervous system a chance to breathe. The Essay argued why it's crucial to develop ourselves mentally by reading or doing word puzzles in our leisure time, but why giving our brains an opportunity to relax is also necessary. In my opinion, improving the mind is as important as resting it.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
It's
a controversial topic whether we should spend our free
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
doing
something useful or not. While
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
it's
believed by
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
that we should do something in our free
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
to enhance our mental abilities, others
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
we should
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
let
our
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
brain
relax. The Essay will discuss why improving the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
mind
when we have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
when we have nothing to do is useful,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
why it might be more necessary to
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
let
our
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
minds
take a break.

In fact,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
doing
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
activities such as reading and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
doing
word puzzles is
really
beneficial.
Moreover
, it supplies our
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
brains
with information and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
that we can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
later.

This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Because
our
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
mind
needs to be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
clear
in order to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
and that could
be achieved
not when we have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
much to do,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
when we have nothing to do.
For instance
, children in Japan spend their study breaks playing intellectual games, such as puzzles or checking a scientific book.
Therefore
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
it's
really
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
to work on our
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
brains
in order to perform better during our breaks.

On the contrary
, the nervous system needs to rest exactly as any other organ.
Furthermore
, it might not be able to work
efficiently
unless we
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stop
using it for at least five minutes per day.
For example
Uncountable nouns are usually not used with an indefinite article. Use simply "research".
a research
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
showed
that overthinking could lead to fatigue or even
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
serious mental disorders, such as schizophrenia and major depressive disorder. It is for these reasons,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
it's
also
essential to play
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
yoga or other activities that
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
clear
and relax such a precious organ.

In conclusion
, a balance should
be considered
between trying to develop our mental potential and giving our central nervous system a chance to breathe. The Essay argued why
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
it's
crucial to develop ourselves mentally by reading or
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
doing
word puzzles in our leisure
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
why giving our
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
brains
an opportunity to relax is
also
necessary. In my opinion, improving the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
mind
is as
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
as resting it.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Mistakes
Language comes first. It’s not that language grows out of consciousness, if you haven’t got language, you can’t be conscious.
Alan Moore

IELTS essay A person you know is planning to move to your town or city. What do you think this person would like and dislike about living in your town or city? Why? Use specific reasons and details to develop your essay. v. 2

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
330 words
7
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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