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Which kind of job would you prefer: a job that is uninteresting but has a high salary, or a job you really enjoy with a moderate salary? v.1

Which kind of job would you prefer: a job that is uninteresting but has a high salary, or a job you really enjoy with a moderate salary? v. 1
The topic of whether reports of media focus on problems and emergencies are harmful is of concern for many people. Some believe that this trend has adverse impacts on individuals and society while others disagree. As for me, I do not agree the former. Those who think that the excessive reports on problems are detrimental hold the following reasons. Firstly, it will cause panic or terror to the citizens. When people are exposed to too much news about crimes or accidents, they will lose the sense of security. As a result, people become over-cautious and suspicious of others, thereby having difficulties in building a harmonious interpersonal relationship. Secondly, it encourages journalists to create bad stories and deliver the exaggerated news. As some reporters believe that the dramatic and exciting information is easy to draw readers’ attention, they tend to write their articles with the emphasis of the negative parts so that their newspapers will sell well. Thus, it will lead to fake stories and unreal articles. However, there are opposing voices. To start with, the negative reports are considered to contribute to the development of the society. Only if the people are aware of social problems such as theft or robbery, can the governments and local authorities look for the best solutions to address the problems. Otherwise, all these problems will be a threat to every citizen. Besides, some reporters insist that they just reveal the truth to the public. As it is the journalists’ role to tell the general public what is the current news, they cannot hide the fact of natural disasters or a road accident, which allows them to be responsible to the audience. To sum up, although the bad news will cause the feeling of anxiety to a large number of audiences, they are unavoidable as they are a main component of current information. The government and the citizens can learn from the news and try to solve problems.
The topic of whether reports of media focus on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
problems
and emergencies are harmful is of concern for
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
believe that this trend has adverse impacts on individuals and society while others disagree. As for me, I do not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
the former.

Those who
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that the excessive reports on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
problems
are detrimental hold the following reasons.
Firstly
, it will cause panic or terror to the citizens. When
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are exposed
to too much
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
news
about crimes or accidents, they will lose the sense of security.
As a result
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
become over-cautious and suspicious of others, thereby having difficulties in building a harmonious interpersonal relationship.
Secondly
, it encourages journalists to create
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
bad
stories and deliver the exaggerated
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
news
. As
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
reporters believe that the dramatic and exciting information is easy to draw readers’ attention, they tend to write their articles with the emphasis of the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
parts
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
that their newspapers will sell well.
Thus
, it will lead to fake stories and unreal articles.

However
, there are opposing voices. To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
start
with, the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
reports
are considered
to contribute to the development of the society.
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Only
if the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are aware of social
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
problems
such as theft or robbery, can the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
governments
and local authorities look for the best solutions to address the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
problems
.
Otherwise
, all these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
problems
will be a threat to every citizen.
Besides
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
reporters insist that they
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
reveal the truth to the public. As it is the journalists’ role to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
tell
the
Consider using "public".
general public
what is the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
current
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
news
, they cannot
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
hide
the fact of natural disasters or a road accident, which
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
allows
them to be responsible to the audience.

To sum up, although the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
bad
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
news
will cause the feeling of anxiety to
Specify a number, remove phrase, or simply use "many" or "numerous"
a large number of
audiences, they are unavoidable as they are a main component of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
current
information. The
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
and the citizens can learn from the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
news
and try to solve
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
problems
.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Mistakes
A new language is a new life.
Persian Proverb

IELTS essay Which kind of job would you prefer: a job that is uninteresting but has a high salary, or a job you really enjoy with a moderate salary? v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
323 words
7
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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