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7. Some people believe that students should be given one long vacation each year. Others believe that students should have several short vacations throughout the year. Which viewpoint do you agree with? Use specific reasons and examples to support your v.1

7. Some people believe that students should be given one long vacation each year. Others believe that students should have several short vacations throughout the year. Which viewpoint do you agree with? Use specific reasons and examples to support your v. 1
It is irrefutable that in the society doctor, nurse, teachers and sport celebrities play a prime role in health, education and entertainment sectors. All of them have contributed to the society in different ways. The government should provide equal amounts of funding in each field. In further paragraphs, I intend to discuss their positions in the society. To commence with, doctors, nurse and teacher play a different role in the society. Doctors treat people and save their lives. Nurses help patients and needy people. Lastly, teachers educate the individual and the future generation of the nation. In spite of their hard work and contribution towards the society, the annual income they receive is quite less compared to other field people. For instance, in rural places, health care services and education field lack proper funding and facilities. Thus, doctors, nurses and teachers working in this areas are given a less salary and as a result, they had quit the job to fulfil their requirements. On the other hand, nowadays, entertainment and sports are appreciated by many people. More funds spend for this kinds of events. For example, the government spends lots of money in organising cricket events and thus they give a large amount to each player playing in it. Thus, it becomes moral duty of the government to rationalize the funding and give an equal contribution to each field. In the conclusion, I would pen down, saying that, it becomes the government's moral duty to justify each field candidates and should give proper wages according to their contribution towards the society.
It is irrefutable that in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
society
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
doctor
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
nurse
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
teachers
and sport celebrities play a prime role in health, education and entertainment sectors. All of them have contributed to the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
society
in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
ways. The
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
should provide equal amounts of funding in each
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
field
. In
further
paragraphs, I intend to discuss their positions in the society.

To commence with,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
doctors
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
nurse
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
teacher
play a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
role in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
society
.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Doctors
treat
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
and save their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Nurses
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
patients and needy
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
.
Lastly
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
teachers
educate the individual and the future generation of the nation.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
In spite of
their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
hard
work and contribution towards the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
society
, the annual income they receive is quite less compared to other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
field
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
.
For instance
, in rural places, health care services and education
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
field
lack proper funding and facilities.
Thus
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
doctors
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
nurses
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
teachers
working in
Did you mean "these"?
this
areas are
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
a less salary and
as a result
, they had quit the job to fulfil their requirements.

On the other hand
, nowadays, entertainment and sports
are appreciated
by
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
. More funds spend for
Did you mean "these"?
this
kinds of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
events
.
For example
, the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
spends lots of money in
Possible spelling mistake. 'organising' is British English.
organising
cricket
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
events
and
thus
they give a large amount to each player playing in it.
Thus
, it becomes moral duty of the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
to rationalize the funding and give an equal contribution to each field.

In the conclusion, I would pen down, saying that, it becomes the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
's moral duty to justify each
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
field
candidates and should give proper wages according to their contribution towards the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
society
.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Mistakes
A new language is a new life.
Persian Proverb

IELTS essay 7. Some people believe that students should be given one long vacation each year. Others believe that students should have several short vacations throughout the year. Which viewpoint do you agree with? Use specific reasons and examples to support your v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
261 words
7
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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