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If a foreign tourist visits your city, where would you take this tourist? A factory, a university, or a museum? v.1

If a foreign tourist visits your city, where would you take this tourist? A factory, a university, or a museum? v. 1
Thanks to the advent of globalization, international corporations have opened their branches in every corner of the world. Consequently, the same products are available everywhere and this has made people and countries look the same. In my opinion, this is not exactly a positive change. I will support my stand with valid arguments in the following paragraphs. First of all, when people everywhere buy the same products, cultural identities disappear. For example, in Shanghai, many foreign clothing companies sell T-shirts to local residents. As a result, few local people wear traditional clothes like qipao now and the traditional clothing industry is dying. Many young people cannot even identify their traditional clothing and fewer people know how to make traditional clothes. If the government took actions to help the traditional clothing industry, people would be able to keep their cultural heritage and craftsmen working in this sector would not lose their livelihood. Unfortunately, that is not the case and locals are forgetting their culture and ethnicity. On top of this, buying the same stuff everywhere is bad for local economies and the environment. Oftentimes, products are imported from foreign countries and have to travel thousands of miles before they reach the end user. This does not help the environment or the local craftsmen. The only beneficiaries are multinational companies. Small businesses and manufactures cannot compete with them and quickly lose their market share and there is less demand for skilled workers who can produce goods with local features. Consequently, people employed in traditional sectors are becoming jobless. For instance, the young generation prefers fast food rather than traditional Chinese food. The market is shrunk for these people who make a living by selling traditional Chinese foods. Likewise, carpenters, cobblers, potters are all becoming jobless in the current scenario. To sum up, the disadvantages overweigh the benefits when people begin to buy the same goods everywhere and different regions become more and more similar. In this scenario, the cultural heritage will be destroyed and the unemployment rate will rise.
Thanks to the advent of globalization, international corporations have opened their branches in every corner of the world.
Consequently
, the same products are available
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
everywhere
and this has made
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
and countries look the same. In my opinion, this is not exactly a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
change
. I will support my stand with valid arguments in the following paragraphs.

This phrase is redundant. Consider using "first".
First of all
, when
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
everywhere
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
buy
the same products, cultural identities disappear.
For example
, in Shanghai,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
foreign clothing
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
companies
sell T-shirts to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
local
residents.
As a result
, few
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
local
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
wear
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
traditional
clothes like
Possible spelling mistake found.
qipao
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
now
and the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
traditional
clothing industry is dying.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Many
young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
cannot even identify their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
traditional
clothing and fewer
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
know how to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
traditional
clothes. If the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
took actions to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
traditional
clothing industry,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
would be able to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
keep
their cultural heritage and craftsmen working in this sector would not lose their livelihood. Unfortunately,
that is
not the case and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
locals
are forgetting their culture and ethnicity.

On top of this, buying the same stuff
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
everywhere
is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
bad
for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
local
economies and the environment. Oftentimes, products
are imported
from foreign countries and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
travel thousands of miles
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
they reach the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
end
user. This does not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
the environment or the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
local
craftsmen. The
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
beneficiaries are multinational
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
companies
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Small
businesses and manufactures cannot compete with them and
quickly
lose their market share and there is less demand for skilled workers who can produce
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
goods
with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
local
features.
Consequently
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
employed in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
traditional
sectors are becoming jobless.
For instance
, the young generation prefers
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
fast
food
rather
than
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
traditional
Chinese food. The market
is shrunk
for these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
who
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
a living by selling
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
traditional
Chinese foods.
Likewise
, carpenters, cobblers, potters are all becoming jobless in the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
current
scenario.

To sum up, the disadvantages
Possible spelling mistake found.
overweigh
the benefits when
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
buy
the same
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
goods
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
everywhere
and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
regions become more and more similar. In this scenario, the cultural heritage will be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
destroyed
and the unemployment rate will rise.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Mistakes

IELTS essay If a foreign tourist visits your city, where would you take this tourist? A factory, a university, or a museum? v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
337 words
7
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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