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Human activity has had a negative impact on plants and animals around the world. Some people say that it is too late to do something while others think that actions can be taken to improve the situation. Discuss both sides of the view and give your opinion. v.1

Human activity has had a negative impact on plants and animals around the world. Some people say that it is too late to do something while others think that actions can be taken to improve the situation. v. 1
It is undoubtedly true that some of the human activities are harming the flora and fauna. Some people think that there is no way to improve this situation. However, others believe that if people come together to take some steps, then situation can be surely made better. I agree with the latter opinion. To commence with, the pessimist view of people about the environment is there because many of the plant and animal species have become extinct. For example, according to WHO, around 20% species of red ants have been lost in the past decade. This impact is truly irreversible. Furthermore, human population has been increasing uncontrollably from the past half century. To meet the needs of shelter and food, humans have been cutting the forests. This has resulted in climate change. As an example, the temperatures near equator have increased by around 10 degrees in the past two decades. However, there are some steps that people can take to protect the existing species and environment for further damage. Firstly, every government in the world must make laws to control the deforestation. This will save the natural habitat of many species. For instance, the government of Newzealand banned deforestation in 2015. This has decreased the soil erosion and improved the air quality index for them. Secondly, people should not waste water and save every drop of it. It will help in maintaining the cycle of climate. To conclude, in my opinion, there are several steps that can be taken by the government and the people, to save the flora and fauna from the further damage. Law against deforestation and saving water are two such small steps.
It is
undoubtedly
true that
If the text is a generality, 'of the' is not necessary. Did you mean "some"?
some of the
human activities are harming the flora and fauna.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that there is no way to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
this situation.
However
, others believe that if
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
come
together to take
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
steps
, then situation can be
surely
made better. I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
with the latter opinion.

To commence with, the pessimist view of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
about the environment is there
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
of the plant and animal species have become extinct.
For example
, according to
Did you mean "whom"?
WHO
, around 20% species of red ants have
been lost
in the past decade. This impact is
truly
irreversible.
Furthermore
, human population has been increasing
uncontrollably
from the past half century. To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
meet
the needs of shelter and food, humans have been cutting the forests. This has resulted in climate
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
change
. As an example, the temperatures
A determiner is probably missing here: "near the equator".
near equator
have increased by around 10 degrees in the past two decades.

However
, there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
steps
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
can take to protect the existing species and environment for
further
damage.
Firstly
, every
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
in the world
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
laws to control the deforestation. This will save the natural habitat of
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
species.
For instance
, the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
of
Possible spelling mistake found.
Newzealand
banned deforestation in 2015. This has decreased the soil erosion and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improved
the air quality index for them.
Secondly
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
should not waste water and save every drop of it. It will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
in maintaining the cycle of climate.

To conclude
, in my opinion, there are several
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
steps
that can
be taken
by the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
and the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
, to save the flora and fauna from the
further
damage. Law against deforestation and saving water are two such
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
small
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
steps
.
13Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
10Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
4Mistakes
Change your language and you change your thoughts.
Karl Albrecht

IELTS essay Human activity has had a negative impact on plants and animals around the world. Some people say that it is too late to do something while others think that actions can be taken to improve the situation. v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
276 words
6
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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