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How do movies or television influence people’s behavior? Use reasonsand specific examples to support your answer. v.5

How do movies or television influence people’s behavior? Use reasonsand specific examples to support your answer. v. 5
Television industry undoubtedly has a great impact on people. Personally, I think that movies and television positively influence our demeanor. I feel this way for two main reasons, which I will explore in the following essay. First of all, a myriad of educational television programs helps people to increase intellectually, which in turn makes us interesting communicators. If a person has the wide ken, he can share his vast knowledge with others and make a lot of friends. My personal experience is a compelling example of this. I truly enjoy watching the National Geographic channel, which covers not only environmental issues but political and economic events from all around the world. In this way, by watching these materials I constantly learn something new. As a result, when I meet new people, I am able to maintain any topic and develop a conversation. Moreover, most of the time I watch documentaries in English and with subtitles, so I continuously improve my language skills. Despite the fact that there are many other ways to gain expertise, the National Geographic channel is my favorite one. That is why I think that watching documentaries is advantageous for citizens. Secondly, certain movies help us to become more kind and patient with each other, which makes our lives more peaceful and pleasant. Many films are based on true stories that have happened with real individuals, and so we can learn from their experience and avoid mistakes that characters made in their lives. For instance, originally I am from Russia and one particular war has had a huge significance for every people in my country because during this horrible event millions of Russians were killed or died from hunger. I have seen plenty of movies about World War two and understood that people should not be judged accordingly to their race or nationality since this may cause numerous conflicts and deaths. Therefore, I have never been a racist and I have always treated all human beings equally. Although sometimes watching films about wars can be truly stressful, they teach us to respect and value each other and hence make us better. In conclusion, I strongly believe that television and movies are beneficial for our behavior. This is because they help us to become more social and hearty.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Television
industry
undoubtedly
has a great impact on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
.
Personally
, I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
movies
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
television
positively
influence our demeanor. I feel this way for two main reasons, which I will explore in the following essay.

This phrase is redundant. Consider using "first".
First of all
, a myriad of educational
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
television
programs
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helps
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to increase
intellectually
, which in turn
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
makes
us interesting communicators. If a person has the wide ken, he can share his vast knowledge with others and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
make
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
friends. My personal experience is a compelling example of this. I
truly
enjoy watching the National Geographic channel, which covers not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
environmental issues
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
political and economic
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
events
from all around the world. In this way, by watching these materials I
constantly
learn something new.
As a result
, when I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
meet
new
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
, I am able to maintain any topic and develop a conversation.
Moreover
, most of the time I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
watch
documentaries in English and with subtitles,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
I
continuously
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
my language
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
. Despite the fact that there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
ways to gain expertise, the National Geographic channel is my favorite one.
That is
why I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that watching documentaries is advantageous for citizens.

Secondly
, certain
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
movies
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
us to become more kind and patient with each
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
, which
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
makes
our
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
more peaceful and pleasant.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Many
films
are based
on true stories that have happened with real individuals, and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
we can learn from their experience and avoid mistakes that characters made in their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
.
For instance
,
originally
I am from Russia and one particular war has had a huge significance for every
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
in my country
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
during this horrible
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
event
millions of Russians
were killed
or
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
died
from hunger. I have
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
seen
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
plenty
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
movies
about World War two and understood that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
should not
be judged
accordingly
to their race or nationality since this may cause numerous conflicts and deaths.
Therefore
, I have never been a racist and I have always treated all human beings
equally
. Although
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
sometimes
watching films about wars can be
truly
stressful, they teach us to respect and value each
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
and
hence
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
make
us better.

In conclusion
, I
strongly
believe that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
television
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
movies
are beneficial for our behavior. This is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
us to become more social and hearty.
15Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
20Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
1Mistakes

IELTS essay How do movies or television influence people’s behavior? Use reasonsand specific examples to support your answer. v. 5

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
380 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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