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Some people want to work for a large company, others choose to work for a small one. Which one do you prefer? v.2

Some people want to work for a large company, others choose to work for a small one. Which one do you prefer? v. 2
People are different and our preferences in terms of what kind of company to work in vary. Personally, I prefer to work in large corporations rather than in small ones. I feel this way for two main reasons, which I will explore in the following essay. First of all, it is easy to establish a career in large companies because they have a myriad of ranks that their employees can move through. If a person has an astonishing career, he can benefit from this financially and support his family. My personal experience is a compelling example of this. Right after the graduation from pharmacy school, I found a job of a regular pharmacist in a local chain pharmacy. I tried my best to show my employes that I was a responsible and hardworking person. My supervisors noticed my effort and in just six months they promoted me to a pharmacy manager`s assistant. Not only that but in one year I was offered a well-paid position of a manager in another unit of the same company. Although working in an independent pharmacy is less stressful, this kind of business cannot guarantee young professionals fast career growth. To that end, employment in a huge company provides staff with opportunities to succeed professionally and financially. Secondly, it is more interesting to work in a giant corporation than in a small business. These days, competition on the market is tremendous and for this reason, big companies constantly look for new ways to please their customers and make people purchase products and services from them but not from their rivals. In this way, employees of these businesses are involved continuously in a variety of new programs. For instance, in my chain pharmacy, we offer our patients numerous services to help them stay healthy such as vaccination from infectious diseases, education and support people who try to quit smoking or strive to lose weight. By providing these services, I always learn something new about my profession, which makes my days at work truly fascinating. On the contrary, small firms rarely introduce innovations in their work routine, and so their staff gets bored oftentimes. In conclusion, I strongly believe that it is beneficial to be an employee of a large company. This is because it is fascinating and helps people to excel.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
People
are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
and our preferences in terms of what kind of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
company
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
in vary.
Personally
, I prefer to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
in large corporations
rather
than in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
small
ones. I feel this way for two main reasons, which I will explore in the following essay.

This phrase is redundant. Consider using "first".
First of all
, it is easy to establish a career in large
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
companies
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
they have a myriad of ranks that their employees can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
move
through. If a person has an astonishing career, he can benefit from this
financially
and support his family. My personal experience is a compelling example of this. Right after the graduation from
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
pharmacy
school, I found a job of a regular pharmacist in a local chain
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
pharmacy
. I tried my best to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
show
my
Possible spelling mistake. Did you mean "employs", the plural form of the noun 'employ'?
employes
that I was a responsible and hardworking person. My supervisors noticed my effort and in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
six months they promoted me to a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
pharmacy
The character between 'manager' and 's' is an accent character, not a standard apostrophe character. Use "manager’s" (curly apostrophe) or "manager's" (straight apostrophe).
manager`s
assistant. Not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
that
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
in one year I
was offered
a well-paid position of a manager in another unit of the same
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
company
. Although working in an independent
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
pharmacy
is less stressful, this kind of business cannot guarantee young professionals
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
fast
career growth. To that
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
end
, employment in a huge
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
company
provides staff with opportunities to succeed
professionally
and
financially
.

Secondly
, it is more interesting to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
in a giant corporation than in a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
small
business. These days, competition on the market is tremendous and
for this reason
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
big
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
companies
constantly
look for new ways to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
please
their customers and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
purchase
products and services from them
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
not from their rivals. In this way, employees of these businesses
are involved
continuously
in a variety of new programs.
For instance
, in my chain
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
pharmacy
, we offer our patients numerous services to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
them stay healthy such as vaccination from infectious diseases, education and support
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
who try to quit smoking or strive to lose weight. By providing these services, I always learn something new about my profession, which
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
makes
my days at
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
truly
fascinating.
On the contrary
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
small
firms rarely introduce innovations in their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
routine, and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
their staff
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
gets
bored oftentimes.

In conclusion
, I
strongly
believe that it is beneficial to be an employee of a large
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
company
. This is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
it is fascinating and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helps
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to excel.
9Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
20Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
3Mistakes

IELTS essay Some people want to work for a large company, others choose to work for a small one. Which one do you prefer? v. 2

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
385 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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