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A company has announced that it wishes to build a large factory nearyour community. Discuss the advantages and disadvantages of this newinfluence on your community. Do you support or oppose the factory? Explain your position. v.2

A company has announced that it wishes to build a large factory nearyour community. Discuss the advantages and disadvantages of this newinfluence on your community. Do you support or oppose the factory? Explain your position. v. 2
Construction of a plant in my community could have a tremendous effect on people who live here. Personally, I would support an idea of building a factory in my small town. I feel this way for two main reasons, which I will explore in the following essay. First of all, a plant could provide a lot of jobs for locals and improve their financial aspect of life. Many workers are necessary in order to run a large facility, and so a myriad or residents could be hired. If people have occupations, they are able to fiscally support their families. My uncle`s experience is a compelling example of this. A few years ago my country was in difficult political and economic circumstances and many businesses struggled to operate successfully. As a result, they laid off a lot of their employees and my uncle was one of them. He had trouble to pay his bills. Fortunately, a couple of years after, a large plant was constructed in his community and he found a new job there. Moreover, new owners paid an advanced salary to him, so he got a chance to fix his financial situation, and even paid for his son`s college tuition. Secondly, a building of a factory could stimulate an overall development of my town and life here would become interesting. People from neighboring communities could move here and therefore, a variety of new businesses such as restaurants, mals, and cinema theaters could be opened. For instance, my uncle told me that when a factory was constructed in his place, a lot of citizens relocated to the town and local entrepreneurs started opening differed kind of businesses where people could get together and spend time with their families and friends. He said that his favorite getaway was a bowling club where he has brought his wife and children every weekend and where they have made a lot of memories. Despite the fact that traffic jams and noise would have increased with the developments, living in a town might be truly fascinating if locals have plenty nice clubs to interact with each other. To conclude, I strongly believe that a construction of a big factory would be advantageous for my community. This is because this will create employment for locals, and will help to increase their quality of life.
Construction of a plant in my
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
community
could have a tremendous effect on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
who
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
here.
Personally
, I would support an
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
idea
of building a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
factory
in my
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
small
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
town
. I feel this way for two main reasons, which I will explore in the following essay.

This phrase is redundant. Consider using "first".
First of all
, a plant could provide a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
lot
of jobs for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
locals
and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
their financial aspect of life.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Many
workers are necessary in order to run a large facility, and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
a myriad or residents could
be hired
. If
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
have occupations, they are able to
fiscally
support their families. My
The character between 'uncle' and 's' is an accent character, not a standard apostrophe character. Use "uncle’s" (curly apostrophe) or "uncle's" (straight apostrophe).
uncle`s
experience is a compelling example of this. A few years ago my country was in difficult political and economic circumstances and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
businesses struggled to operate
successfully
.
As a result
, they laid off a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
lot
of their employees and my uncle was one of them. He had trouble to pay his bills.
Fortunately
, a couple of years after, a large plant
was constructed
in his
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
community and
he found a new job there.
Moreover
, new owners paid an advanced salary to him,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
he
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
got
a chance to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
fix
his financial situation, and even paid for his
The character between 'son' and 's' is an accent character, not a standard apostrophe character. Use "son’s" (curly apostrophe) or "son's" (straight apostrophe).
son`s
college tuition.

Secondly
, a building of a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
factory
could stimulate an
overall
development of my
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
town
and life here would become interesting.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
People
from neighboring
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
communities
could
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
move
here and
therefore
, a variety of new businesses such as restaurants,
Possible spelling mistake found.
mals
, and cinema theaters could
be opened
.
For instance
, my uncle
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
told
me that when a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
factory
was constructed
in his place, a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
lot
of citizens relocated to the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
town
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
local
entrepreneurs
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
started
opening differed kind of businesses where
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
could
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
together and spend time with their families and friends. He said that his favorite getaway was a bowling club where he has brought his wife and children every weekend and where they have made a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
lot
of memories. Despite the fact that traffic jams and noise would have increased with the developments, living in a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
town
might be
truly
fascinating if
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
locals
have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
plenty
nice clubs to interact with each other.

To conclude
, I
strongly
believe that a construction of a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
big
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
factory
would be advantageous for my
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
community
. This is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
this will create employment for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
locals
, and will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
to increase their quality of life.
11Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
24Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
5Mistakes

IELTS essay A company has announced that it wishes to build a large factory nearyour community. Discuss the advantages and disadvantages of this newinfluence on your community. Do you support or oppose the factory? Explain your position. v. 2

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
388 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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